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My husband of many years
Suddenly announced that we need silk sheets
I managed to stop myself from laughing
And said, we will slip out of bed
His smile, that twinkle in his eyes
I had not seen for many a year
He said he had a different kind of slipping in mind
I thought no more of it until I found
Silk sheets on our bed
My husband has found a renewed sense of youth
The bonus in this, is I didn’t slip out of bed…
In many ways, this week was the worst yet for me.
I soldiered on, trying to accomplish something towards my impending book launch, but everything I touched turned to rubbish in my hands. I managed to reach Thursday without shooting myself, but it grew steadily worse. I knew if there was one more insurmountable difficulty, there was a danger of me running for the hills. I tried everything I could think of to escape the feeling of doom that was gradually seeping into everything I touched, but it wasn’t having a bar of it. Looked like I had found a branch of doom that was far more stubborn than I was!
I checked the weather again and although the entire week looked just as glum, with rain everywhere, that day seemed brighter, or was I just hoping for a little sunshine?
We hadn’t walked to our local lake in ages, having almost resigned into believing we couldn’t walk that far anymore. It was only about a mile and a half and quite a pleasant walk through town, but it was the return journey that always had us crawling home, groaning with aching joints. Desperation made me determined to dispel that idea and we set off, walking slowly and enjoying the fresh air. The sun was trying to make an appearance and I could feel the doom dropping away from me the further I walked.
We sat by the water, watching the assortment of ducks, geese and swans, going about their business. Most were busy hunting for food, while others were bossing each other about, causing short-lived arguments and noisy wing flapping that had the local children laughing. The sun sparkled on the water, the light breeze rippling the surface and for the first time in ages, I felt myself relaxing.
Anita was watching something on the far side of the lake, and I tried to see for myself. They looked like ducks, but something kept me watching, willing them to come closer. They took their sweet time but eventually they came close enough to see they were a pair of black swans.
I have had this thing about black swans ever since I worked near the River Thames, some forty years ago. My office window looked out over the water and I confess I spent more time than I should watching what went on out there. I hadn’t been in the job long before my new workmates introduced me to Smudge, a lone black swan who seemed to like that part of the river and could be seen every day. He once had a mate, but something had happened, leaving him alone. I knew that swans mate for life, and that Smudge would have to live the rest of his life alone. I was alone at that time too, so in a way we shared our loneliness. At least that ‘s how it felt back then.
The new arrivals made it to our side of the lake, and I watched them gliding about, completely engrossed in what they were doing. They ignored the other wildlife and seemed to be searching for more than food, or was I endowing them with the sadness I felt for Smudge all those years ago?
I took loads of photographs and tried to capture them both on video too, but either my camera malfunctioned or I didn’t press the right sequence of buttons. It seemed doom hadn’t quite disappeared after all, but at least the photos weren’t bad.
If the weather doesn’t improve, we may not walk all that way again until Spring and maybe we will see the black swans again. Now that is something to look forward to!
Thank you for reading – please feel free to comment or share for I would love to hear from you! Best wishes from Jaye Marie
Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Jaye-Marie/e/B00O2ZUFOK/
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Don’t crucify yourself in the shadows
There is joy under the sun
Sweet love beneath moonlight
Hope lives in every blade of grass
You walk upon
Every flower that greets the morning sun
Fresh out of darkness
You have found the light
That shines from within…
©anitadawes
Image by Jaye Marie
Image by Jaye Marie
SOME SECRETS WILL KILL YOU…
and some are about someone who is already dead.
A mother must find the truth before the secrets destroy her family…
Maggie heaped three spoonsful of brown sugar into the frothy coffee, and Scott gave a gentle tut-tut as she watched it slowly slip through the bubbles.
Watching her stir the coffee for longer than was necessary, he asked, ‘Shall I fire questions at you or will you volunteer your troubles to old Scottie?’
The softening of his name was only for those he considered his true friends and he listened without interruption while she told him all about the nightmares, the mess in the kitchen, Danny’s destructiveness, burying Jack’s stuff in the garden and all the things that Danny attributed to his imaginary friend, Toby.
Scott pondered awhile, and then said, ‘You of all people shouldn’t think it so strange, where would you be without imagination, Maggie? Pulling groceries on a check-out? Not that it’s a disgrace; someone has to do it… Danny is developing his mind, maybe he’ll be a great artist like his beautiful mother, or write the books Jack couldn’t… then he’ll need all the power of his inner mind, much the way you do.’
She looked deep into her empty coffee cup as if it were a crystal ball. ‘Maybe I could believe all that if he were happy, Scott, but he’s not. He’s so moody and goes days without saying a word to anyone.’
She related Cathy’s story about hearing a dog in the car, and Scott looked puzzled.
‘From what you’ve told me about her, I’d say she’s prone to flights of fancy and you shouldn’t take any of it too seriously. It could have been anything, like that wretched noise when you speed past those wooden poles along the road. Maybe there was something stuck to the wheel of her car. Noises you would normally recognise have a way of sounding strange when you’re cooped up inside a tin-can on wheels.’
She didn’t believe Scott’s explanation, but it was enough to put a little doubt in her mind, she realised that she hadn’t thought the situation through as thoroughly as she might.
She didn’t tell him about the bite-marks and scratches that appeared on Danny during the nightmares until last. It wasn’t really all that bad, not enough to draw blood but marks none the less.
‘Could he have done it himself?’ asked Scott.
‘Yes, but he denied it.’
‘Someone at school, a fight? Boys get into them all the time.’
‘I don’t think so. Danny told the doctor that this Toby did it. When we asked him why he hadn’t said anything to us, he just shrugged his shoulders and clammed up. We’ve been advised not to push him too hard.’
Scott could see how worried she was, but he couldn’t really think of anything to allay her fears, real or imagined. It was high time to lighten the mood. Catching Kelly’s eye, he ordered two more coffees with hand gestures.
‘God knows what you’ve been letting your mind get up to, Maggie darling, but as far as I can tell, there are only two explanations. He either did it himself or he got into a fight and didn’t know how to tell you. There are times, darling when a young man can’t run to his mama. Losing a fight would be worse than telling you he had been in one in the first place…
‘Maybe that’s all he’s hiding from you, and as for the rest of it, it’s plain old-fashioned mischief born out of the sheer frustration of keeping things locked inside…’
~~~~~
Danny’s secret goes back in time
How is this known to a child of nine?
No one believes him when he speaks
Of buried treasure the earth still keeps.
Yet stranger words are said in sleep.
His mother hears his sleeping moans
Afraid now, how can he know
Of secrets buried so long ago?
Collage and images by Jaye Marie
Image by Pixabay.com
Don’t leave your pillow cold to touch
I need your body beside me when I wake
The sun through the window
Will not warm the empty space you leave
Come evening, when I hear no key in the door
The stars fall from the heavens
The dark nights spent alone
Memories cannot fill that empty space
Shadows fill the room, wearing your face
I wait for yesterday…
©anitadawes
Image by Pixabay.com
In my imagination
Like Ali, I am the greatest
I fly with eagles
Sale the river on the back of a black swan
Cross the Amazon in a single bound
Build the pyramids single handed
Rediscover the lost library of Alexander
I know all the secrets in the Vatican
I read the minds of our great inventors
This one was heavy going
They do not think the way we do
Discovering new worlds for humanity to live on
Hoping this time not to mess it up
I have had ten minutes all to myself
Back to work now
Tea to cook, family home
Washing to be done
Homework to be taken care of
I wonder what I will get up to tomorrow…
Image by Pixabay.com
One magic moment
To recapture a lifetime
Hidden in my memory box
To relive when needed
A pick and mix of moments
Best loved
People you can meet again
For the first time
Your first kiss, the thrill of the chase
The moment of capture
Waking together that first morning
Not wanting to leave the bed
Would you sell your soul for such a device?
At the age of 73, I would answer yes
Let me relive those moments one last time
Before I meet my maker
I can tell Him where he went wrong
Give me one more spin on earth
Fate written by my own hand this time
That way, if there are mistakes
they will be my own
which maybe easier to get around
rather than a cosmic cock up…
Image by Pixabay.com
I am gazing out my window
Thinking back on my timeline
I don’t do guilt. I make decisions
and what comes, comes.
That’s how I feel, except for this one time
I borrowed six pence from the wooden bowl
Inside the church porch
This money was for magazines.
I was twelve years old
Roaming around on my own
I wanted a warm cup of tea
and money for the jukebox.
Music was something I needed.
I have replaced that money many times
But the guilt still weighs the same
Whenever it is remembered…
