#journal

Stepping into Spring…

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 9 Comments

As yesterday was the spring equinox, I decided to take a walk in our garden.  My dizzy problem had returned, and I hoped the fresh air would help. This problem is a regular visitor who usually gives up after a day or two.  I had given up trying to write as wearing my glasses made it worse, so I took them off and was stumbling around the garden like an idiot. But every time I saw a flash of colour I took a picture.

I am dictating this as the keyboard is a blur, so I apologise for any discrepances.

The first flash of colour I spotted was the yellow forsythia, which for some reason, is growing in the hedge that runs down our garden, separating us from the neighbours. I rather like it there.

This Japanese quince is a bonsai, currently awaiting repotting.

Not sure what these are called, but they appear all over the place.

Such a lovely colour…

And finally, I must add my little orphan, this white azalea. I have had him for a long time; he never seems to grow but always blooms around Christmas. These flowers are the fourth to arrive; all the others were knobbled by the weather!

Butter Wouldn’t Melt…

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 20 Comments

Do you remember that adorable ball of fluff that arrived at our house just before Christmas? The marmalade and white kitten that we called Milo?

How vulnerable and affectionate he was, and I remember thinking he could possibly step into the late Merlin’s much-loved shoes.

Fast forward three months and Milo has grown so much. Already large at five months, he will probably be enormous before he’s done growing. Thankfully, he is still affectionate, which is just as well, for he has developed several annoying habits.

Very playful, he has moments of crazy energy when he flies around the house at speed. Every room, cupboard and corner has been investigated and rearranged to his liking. He repeatedly wrecks my office, steals tissues and any paper he can find. Once he learned how to jump, nowhere was safe.

He rips towels and tea cloths from their racks and tries to operate the window blinds in the living room. After I make all the beds in the morning, he waits for me to leave the room, then unmakes them all.

All typical kitten stuff.

Milo isn’t allowed out yet, as he is scheduled for the snip and a microchip fitted at the end of the month. He is not happy about the delay, which brings me to the worst of his habits. He sits at either the front or back door and screams.

Not a gentle meow, you understand. He screams like a banshee. He does this every time he disapproves of something, like one of us wanting a lie in or leaving the house. Not sure if this is normal or if he has a problem, but we hope it stops once he can go out.

Last night I found a new and undesirable problem. I pulled back my duvet to get into bed and found it soaking wet. With a collection of towels and spare covers, I spent a most uncomfortable night in what still felt damp and didn’t feel like my bed anymore.

My sister calls Milo a ginger ninja, but I have a few names that are unprintable…

Jaye’s Days… Circling the Drain?

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 19 Comments

The hospital appointment for my heart stress test arrived yesterday, for March 2nd.

At first, I was confused as I wasn’t expecting one so soon. It wasn’t long before signs of panic turned up too. Would they find something but deem me too old for surgery? Or suggest that it could all be in my head? This is a popular choice, BTW. Or would they decide to carve me up to give me more old age years?

My Angina has been getting slowly worse, and I cannot do much. Stubborn doesn’t worry about that, though, and I am doing the important stuff, even if it takes me a while to get my breath back. There’s not much to choose between Anita health-wise and me, as she is sleeping much more these days. I often wonder who will go first.

I try not to think about dying, probably in case I put the idea into the ether. Commonly called pushing my luck. I think we are supposed to be scared of dying, but I haven’t been scared of much in my life. There have been a few things that should have given me pause, but I never worry about dying, despite coming close a few times.

In the past, when life became unbearable, I often wished I could simply fall asleep and never wake up again. This never happened, of course.  This taught me to find solutions and find them fast, not to prolong the agony.

Of course, there have been one or two monumentally bad and sad times when I couldn’t wriggle out of a situation or avoid the problem. I wanted a magical spell to banish all the suffering and misery.

Times that I would love to change or make amends for, even now.

Times that could possibly be considered bad enough to send me to that other place when I finally shuffle off this mortal coil.

That, hopefully, won’t be for a while yet…

WIP Wednesday…

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 16 Comments

I did wonder how long my calm exterior would last, but I did hope it would stay a little longer, at least until Friday morning and my cardio appointment. I have no idea what they will decide to do about the blockage in my artery; I just hope it’s something simple. All though I have a sneaky feeling it won’t be.

When I woke up this morning, I knew my patience had gone the way of all good things. I wasn’t exactly chewing my nails, but I wanted to.

We all have our own problems, so revealing my shredded emotions was not the way to go, so I had to find a way to keep busy and out of trouble.

I spent the best part of yesterday checking all the links on our website and finding several that were broken. I also found that all of our book images that occupied the right-hand toolbar had no links. I was puzzled, as I knew I had done this at the time.

This problem segued into another, as I discovered that Booklinker, the very useful company supplying writers everywhere with universal book links, is no longer operational. At least, not for me yesterday.

Luckily, our books are on D2Digital, and their links are supposed to be universal. Just a matter of checking and double-checking all of them.

That was yesterday, so what could I do to keep myself quiet and out of trouble today?

Probably not the best time to dive into the current WIP, but that was my first choice. Side-stepping into someone else’s life (and problems) has to be better than anything else I can think of right now.

But wait, I could finish reading Letting Go by Jacquie Biggar. The story of two sisters that I am really enjoying at the moment. As a sister, I can relate to their problems, especially now.

I know what I mean by that; you will just have to guess!

Letting Go Book Description

A coming-of-age novel about the pain of misconceptions and learning from them.

When life gives you lemons…


Izzy

Mom is barely in the grave and the prodigal child is here to pick the bones clean.

I don’t want her here. My sister’s defection is a wound that won’t heal, and her return simply rubs at the scabs covering my heart.

I’ve managed just fine without her. She can go back to her fancy college and forget about us- that’s what she does best anyway.

If only I didn’t need her help. Or miss her so much.

Renee

The day my dad committed suicide I ran. I’ve been running ever since.

Going home is supposed to be the answer. Instead, it makes me question every thoughtless decision I’ve made.

My sister hates me. My little brother barely knows me. And Simon… is engaged.

None of it matters- or so I tell myself. I’m here to make amends and face a past haunted by regret.

As long as I can convince myself to stay.

Letting Go is a young adult romance dealing with tragedy, restitution, and love in all its aspects. The story relates to sensitive topics that may be triggering for some readers.

Help around the Office?

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 15 Comments

Milo, choosing a pen. I hope it isn’t a red one!

Yesterday was Milo’s first trip to the vet.

We couldn’t have chosen the worst day for it as the outside temperature was – 4. The car looked as though it had been frosted, very pretty, but the doors were all frozen shut!

When we drove into the vet’s car park, we suddenly remembered the last time we had been there. I wanted to turn around and go home, but the memories flooded my mind and cancelled out all coherent thoughts.

Remember Merlin?

When our 18-year-old black and white fur baby took ill early last year, we brought him to this vet, hoping for the best. Sadly, this wasn’t to be, and we lost him that day.

The pain tried to come flooding back as we relived that terrible moment all over again, but we held on to our emotions, parked the car and walked into the surgery, aware that our tiny new arrival relied on us to do our best for him.

Yesterday was the perfect reminder of why we haven’t looked for another fur baby before, but in a way, we didn’t choose Milo. We think he chose us…

Jaye’s Days… Best Laid Plans…

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 15 Comments

Best Laid Plans…

I keep telling myself that it’s a brand new year and time to think about making a few plans for 2023.

Not sure why, but for some reason, I wasn’t listening. I have been busy writing. After long months of dragging my heels, the words have been pouring out of me at about 1000 a day. I am really enjoying feeling like a writer again.

I have also been threatening to conquer Scrivener, something I have tried to do in the past. Something about this new burst of enthusiasm has made it seem essential, so I am following my instincts here.

The fact that Microsoft Word has been tinkering again and made some diabolical changes that are definitely not helpful might have something to do with it.

Do you ever get fed up with having all the different parts of your WIP all over the place?

I know I do.

I like to gather all the specific information and ideas long before I start to write the story.

First, there is the setting to create, whether it is based on a real place or not. Then you need your people. Not a lot of them to be fair but creating at least four people from the ground up can be hard enough.

Next are the problems. The ones your characters turn up with and the ones that smack them on the head in no time at all.

The trouble with all of this, it usually ends up as several files, requiring you to hop about like a dog at a flea party.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if you could access everything on the screen at the same time?

I had heard about Scrivener before and did my best to learn it. Either I wasn’t in the mood to learn a new system back then, or something put me off. I don’t usually have much luck with complicated technology and that could have been the problem.

The more I have thought about it since I wish I had persevered.

So, I will have another go, and you never know; I might just get the hang of it this time. Based on the older and wiser adage, of course.

The first thing I did was the usual way I ever learned anything. I opened Scrivener and tried to figure it out by all the different parts. Toolbars are something I know about, after all. I learned this tactic from a friend of mine. Whenever she wants to learn something new, she presses all the buttons to see what happens.

I have to report that this didn’t work for me, and I retired, defeated again and more confused than ever.

I had already read through the Dummies Guide to Scrivener, which was as much help as a chocolate teapot. Just when I thought I would be stuck with Microsoft Word forever, I remembered YouTube, although it didn’t help me with PowerPoint. I decided to have a look anyway.

The first one I found was from Joanna Penn from The Creative Penn. She recommended Scrivener and was very helpful. I made a lot of notes, confident that my worries and confusion were over. Then I tried Scrivener again, armed with my newfound knowledge.

Well, I tried. Even with my notes, I just couldn’t crack it. I tried to enter the title of my book. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? But it wasn’t.

Nothing made sense to me, and there didn’t seem to be any logical sequence to follow. By then, I was desperate to learn how to use Scrivener, as I don’t like feeling defeated.

The next day I was back on YouTube.

This time I found William Gallagher, a man with a kind face and an easy voice to listen to. Too many people on YouTube speak too fast and shout at you, which I don’t find helpful.

William’s video was an hour long, and he explained everything in words I could understand. His instructions were easy to follow, and he showed me what to do every step of the way.

Armed with this helpful advice, I couldn’t wait to put it all into practice, only to find myself far too busy over Christmas. But when I clear the decks and free an afternoon, I will have one last try to master Scrivener.

When, and if I do, you will hear about it…

Jaye’s Week… Grazing…

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 30 Comments

For most of 2022, I had been flitting from one job to another, spending a few futile moments with each. I was desperately hoping for inspiration, but none of these jobs inspired me, so no progress there.

I am still not quite back to normal life after covid and have discovered a collection of non-functioning cells in my head, masquerading as a brain. A brain that seems to have forgotten how to switch on and get on with anything. I have my fingers crossed that this after-effect of covid will pass, and the sooner, the better!

All through 2022, I honestly thought my writing days were over, as I hadn’t had any inspirational moments in what seemed like forever, and this was starting to seriously upset me.

I didn’t give up, though; perish the thought! I persevered, spending all my spare time re-reading the words languishing on the page.  Trying desperately to trigger a little inspiration, something I could work with.

Finally, I had a breakthrough and managed to write several chapters for the WIP, and it felt so good to be back in the saddle. At least, I hope that’s where I am at the moment.

If last year has taught us anything, though, there’s no point worrying about anything anymore.

The house gets grubbier every day, and going out has definitely lost its appeal. There are still plenty of germs out there, just waiting to grab us!

The weather has been appalling, and we haven’t set foot in the garden for ages.

Our health is the worst it has ever been, to the extent that we now need another carer to take care of us.  Seriously though, we are managing to take care of each other. Not very well, I must admit, but it’s better than nothing.

We hope that 2023 is ready to take on our expectations and find ways to cheer us all up…

We still haven’t had any snow, and it doesn’t look like we will.

I still haven’t had time to assess our progress or decide the best way forward this year. Basically, I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep.

A Visit to the Doctor, not what it used to be!

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 11 Comments

I played hooky yesterday.

The earache that has been gradually driving me mad for months seemed even worse and, with the added headache, left me in a foul mood.

In the past, when this happened, the best thing to do was lie low. Find someone to hide and keep my head down.

Not wanting to do anything doesn’t happen to me very often, and for some reason, I didn’t feel guilty about it either.

Maybe that will come later, I thought.

I can hear you all thinking I should have seen my doctor already. It may surprise you that I have seen my doctor on numerous occasions about this problem. To date, all I have been given is a spray for my nose, which hasn’t done a darn thing.

Anyway, ever the optimistic soul, I made another appointment. I won’t go into a rant over how long I had to wait for this day to arrive, as that is another can of worms.

She looked in both of my ears and pronounced them fine. No infection, wax or anything that could be causing me pain.

And that was that.

When I asked (fearless and persistent, two of my better traits) why I had been having this earache for so long, she smiled and said I must be going through a bad patch. I couldn’t argue with that, what with the recent covid episode and the additional heart trouble earlier this year.

I am beginning to think that those rumours about the lack of duty of care for those over seventy may be true. When my angina had me in hospital this summer, they found one of my main arteries completely blocked. The subsequent angiogram couldn’t shift the blockage. All I got then, apart from a lot of sympathy from the poor technician who had tried four times to clear it, was a smile from the heart consultant, a box of statins, and a see you in six weeks.

I am still waiting for this appointment three months later.

Added to that is my asthma which has been completely out of control since covid, and the ever-present arthritis, which is doing its level best to keep me indoors; I don’t have much chance of keeping a good mood going…

I did enjoy my day off, though and may do it again.

Jaye’s Days… No Time for Planning…

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 13 Comments

I keep telling myself that it’s nearly Christmas and time to think about winding down the year and making a few plans for 2023.

Not sure why, but for some reason, I wasn’t listening. Among other things, I have been busy writing. After long months of dragging my heels (for so many reasons,) the words have been pouring out of me at the rate of more than a thousand a day. I am really enjoying feeling like a writer again.

But planning? Surely there should be more than enough time for thinking about new projects next year…

I have been threatening to learn how to use Scrivener for longer than I care to remember, and something about this new burst of enthusiasm has made it seem essential, so I am following my instincts here.

The fact that Microsoft Word has been tinkering again and made some changes that are definitely not helpful might have something to do with it.

My first attempt went pear-shaped very quickly, even with the Scrivener for Dummies handbook! But instead of stomping off in frustration like I usually do when faced with complicated techno jargon, I became obsessed with finding a solution.

I spent the afternoon on YouTube, looking for someone to unlock my stupid brain.

Thanks to Joanna Penn from The Creative Penn, and William Gallagher, I seem to have grasped the basics. It may take me a while to use the system for my current WIP, but it looks hopeful.

I recently promised a post on my progress, which will follow soon. How’s that for optimism?

We hope you are all managing to keep warm in these freezing times…

Friend or Foe?

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 3 Comments

Image by Manfred Richter from Pixabay

I had just moved from the PC to my writing chair to try and get my head around a book review I was working on.

Things were going well when I happened to look up from my work to look out of the window in front of me.

Something had made me put down my pen, and I looked for the reason.

I scanned the garden and all the trees I could see without standing up; they thrashed about in violent gusts of wind. Further down the garden, almost too far for me to focus on, the row of bird feeders was doing a roaring trade with the local birdlife.

I love to watch the birds in our garden, mainly small ones like sparrows, bluetits and the odd robin. It’s like a mad rush hour as they take in turns to land on the feeders, pecking furiously at the fat balls. They seem to prefer these to the seed I also supply.

I became aware of other activities closer to my window and switched my attention to the shelf with the row of bonsai trees. A male blackbird with shiny black plumage and a vivid yellow beak was perched on one of the pots and viciously pecked at the carefully cultivated moss that snuggles around the base of each tree.

We were just a few feet from each other, and I knew he was watching me, but he carried on with his mission. By the time he had visited all the trees on the shelf, it looked like a battleground with lumps of moss scattered everywhere.

Later, I was asked why I hadn’t tapped on the window to stop the destruction, but what the bird was doing was perfectly natural, and if he had removed any insects that might have harmed my trees, I would be in his debt. Moss is so easily replaced.

Sharing those moments with Mr Blackbird was magical, and I will remember them forever…

Wishing you all a very happy Monday…