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I can’t be the only one getting these emails, but no one else has mentioned them yet.

Every blessed morning, I get at least one or two messages from representatives of Publishing Houses or Literary Agents. All promising to successfully market one or another of my books.

These emails are long, well-written, and sincere. Full of interesting information and comments about my books. They include detailed explanations of how my work could be better.

Extensive knowledge of my life and writing would indicate a lot of research work on our website, colorful and descriptive praise of past posts, indicating a thorough investigation of me and everything I have ever done. Impressive, to say the least.

Reading all this praise really boosts your ego. It’s hard not to get carried away with the charm of it all. So far, as I can’t bear to delete them all, I have been saving them to a file. Just to read them all again, you understand.

They sound so genuine, but I suspect they aren’t. I mean, who shook the helpful tree and sent them all to me?

At least, that’s what it felt like!

The new medication (and all its promises) arrived early last week, and I grabbed it with both hands, eager for the relief it promised. Almost immediately, an extreme tiredness moved in and I found myself sleeping for almost 24/7. Thinking this was just the initial settling in, I continued to sleep.

By the end of the week, other nasty side effects joined in and I realised that this couldn’t be allowed to continue, not if I wanted any kind of life.

I decided to stop taking them, as some of those side effects were worrying. It took two days for me to crawl out of bed and joing the world of the living.

Today is the first time in over a week that I feel human and more like myself.

Finally conscious, I am fighting the visiting depression like a mad woman, determined not to slide any further down that particular path. Luckily, it’s not affecting the writing, at least I hope it isn’t.

So, I am now completely on my own. No help available, at least none that work! But I am still determined to do whatever I want to do, and whenever I want to do it for as long as humanly possible…

love always

Jaye 💕

so glad to be back!

Like the sapling in this image, my WIP is growing at last.

As I neared the halfway point, I began to worry about the ending. I know that some authors usually have an idea, but I think I was relying on my protagonist, Detective David Snow, to come up with something.

When I realised that neither of us had a clue, it was time for some serious plotting. That’s what I have been doing lately. I have wriggled my way into the story and tried to think like a detective. The pile of notes has grown bigger, but better than that, I have the germ of an ending.

This ending will tie this story to a previous Snow story, so I have had to delve into that story too, just to get my facts straight.

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Someone has suggested that all of my Detective Snow stories should be published as a series, something I didn’t think would work because they are stand alone stories and only loosely connected.

Any thoughts on this?

love always

Jaye💕

If I look into this bear’s eyes, I see myself and feel his solitude.

I know I must try harder to pull myself together, but it gets harder.

Harder to do anything, but curl up on the sofa and close my eyes.

Eyes that are so tired of trying to see a way forward.

But, God bless me, I am still looking…

Looking for that magic something to bring me back to normal, to turn me into the person I once was. Sometimes I can feel something, something still struggling to stand up and be counted…

This post was not written just for me, but for all the lost and lonely souls out there, who are also struggling to stand up and be counted…

love always

Jaye 💕

I have had a rotten week. They are making me wait again, and I don’t get any more patient! I have been promised a different medication, one that will knock at least half of my complaints on the head.

On its journey to me it has had some hurdles to jump over, and at present it should be at the chemist, awaiting collection. I am trying not to expect too much, but human nature being what it is, I am mentally jumping up and down in anticipation!

Is it my imagination, or are there signs of autumn out there? I can usually tell what’s coming by my bonsai trees, although lately they have been through the mill. I have seen shrivelled leaves (due to the heat) and dropping leaves (due to the drought), and this morning, there are several autumnal shades out there.

Autumn is my favourite time of year, but it’s usually over much too fast for me…

Hoping for a much better week…

love always

Jaye 💕