The closest I can get to a walk in the forest!
Yes, the Wonder Woman has returned!
And looking surprisingly well after her ordeal and determined to carry on where she left off before the proverbial stuff hit the fan.
Anita also came home with even more medication than last time, plus a daily injection, all of which to be carefully administered by little old me.
We also have a new set of worries, due mainly to the fact that Anita is still not fixed, not quite yet. It will take a pacemaker to do that. Her heart must settle down first, clear the rather large clot that is preventing the left side of her heart from working properly, and recover enough for a pacemaker to be possible.
This requires an intense regime of blood thinners and warfarin, a nasty drug that needs constant monitoring and blood tests. All worth it if the pacemaker returns Anita to full health!
Turns out it wasn’t a second heart attack after all. Due to the massive damage the first one caused and the presence of a large clot inside Anita’s heart, it just couldn’t cope. It stopped minutes after we arrived at the emergency department. Luckily, they managed to bring her back, but it was touch and go for a while.
Apparently, the first heart attack was what they like to call the widow maker because it is usually fatal.
So the fact Anita is here at all is miraculous and something we are all grateful for…
I don’t want to be here
I shouldn’t be here
They changed my pills
Brought me back again
Far worse than before
Now more tests
To see if they can fix me
Keep me from coming back
Now I’m stuck inside
These four grey walls
Feeling a little sorry for myself
As I shouldn’t be here.
The upside is the people I have met
They are wonderful
They keep me from screaming
I am counting the bruises
Up my arms instead
Thank God for the phone
I can talk to Jaye
Drive her mad instead
My son drove here
Like Mad Max on super speed
If he had not run that last red light
They say I would have been
Floating above their heads
Thank God they ripped
My clothes off in time
To keep me earthbound
More tests tomorrow
Home soon after that
Jaye: just received a phone call from Anita… she’s coming home this afternoon!
COLLEEN’S 2020 WEEKLY #TANKA TUESDAY #POETRY CHALLENGE NO. 193, #POET’SCHOICE
This post for Colleen’s Weekly #Poetry Challenge was dictated to me from Anita’s hospital bed!
Days on end
Peace has vanished
The same sounds, low moans
no regard for the hour
seagulls cry outside my window
they cry for all the souls lost at sea
I hope I’m home before they cry for me…
This is the most upsetting post I have ever written, but you have all been so kind and supportive of Anita, I knew I had to tell you what’s been happening and ask for even more thoughts and prayers…
Waiting and worrying was bad enough, but when Anita began to show signs of distress, we were thrown into a very different ball game.
She kept insisting she was fine, but late on Saturday night her breathing became seriously laboured and alarm bells were ringing loud and clear. We managed to persuade her to go back to the hospital as we thought she was having another heart attack.
On the way there, she deteriorated rapidly, moaning in pain, and gasping for breath, causing Stephen (number one son) to drive like a boy racer and run at least one red light, as we knew every minute counted.
Just the mention of a heart attack set the well-oiled wheels of the emergency department in motion, leaving me and Stephen standing outside the hospital, barely holding back the tears.
That’s when it became serious.
Within minutes, a nurse came out to us to say oxygen was being administered and a full barrage of tests had begun. Anita’s blood pressure was so low it was on the floor and there was fluid in her lungs again. Her heart was failing and she had been put on life support.
Last time we were here, just 10 weeks ago, we were not allowed inside the hospital and had to wait in the car. This time, however, we were taken to the relative’s lounge, causing weird alarm signals to us both. Were they just being kind now that lockdown was easing, or was there a more sinister reason?
An hour later, the on-call consultant came to update us, and he didn’t mince his words. He said that Anita’s heart was failing, and she was extremely poorly and that we had brought her in the nick of time. A few minutes more and she might have died.
He went on to talk about resuscitation, that due to Anita’s age and condition, resuscitation would not be in her best interest. He didn’t ask for our permission to do anything, but the message was clear, he didn’t expect Anita to make it.
After he left, we clung together and bawled like babies, desperately praying he was wrong.
We later found out that they had to cut Anita’s clothing away, such was the urgency, and this still makes me cry every time I think about it.
sometime on Sunday, Anita began to rally, surprising the medical staff. They couldn’t figure out what was causing the problem, for all the tests were coming back normal but she wasn’t about to go anywhere!
When we mentioned the recent MRI, we had the feeling they didn’t have any information about this. I wonder if they might have lost it.
Early on Monday, I picked up the phone to hear Anita’s voice! She had begged to use the hospital phone and it was beyond wonderful to hear her voice and she sounded so normal as she listed her requests. She was still in intensive care, so hardly normal, but she sounded great to me!
Tomorrow, they have a load more tests lined up, tests that they are confident will give them some important answers…
I was just going to post this when some welcome news turned up!
They have discovered a blood clot inside her heart, and her arteries are no longer clear. There will be further tests, including an angiogram tomorrow, which may result in the application of stents. All this, although distressing, is proof that this time she won’t be coming home until fit for purpose!
As testament to her improving health, she is busy writing in her hospital bed, and we talk frequently on the phone about everything!
I read a post the other day, where they were talking about the wonderful sense of freedom to be found behind the wheel of a car.
Immediately, I was transported back to my own independent, working woman days when I owned a car.
Learning to drive was a nightmare for me, as it takes me a while to learn anything new, but once mastered, the world became my oyster. Not only did I drive myself to work every day, my family found a newfound freedom with that car, as we visited so many interesting places.
Becoming an experienced driver opened a very different world for me, a world where I finally felt competent and capable, something I had never felt before.
It wasn’t all roses though, there were a few hair-raising experiences along the way.
Someone must have dropped something from the bridge, just as I drove underneath. The windscreen splintered into a million pieces, leaving me in a state of shock and unable to see anything in front of the car.
I had been travelling at about 65 mph and for a few seconds I froze. I had no memory of anyone behind me, but my instinct was to slam on the brakes in an emergency stop. The silence after the car stopped was deafening, and I sat there stunned, and with my eyes shut.
I became aware of someone shouting, and when I opened my eyes, a furious man was standing beside the car, demanding to know what the hell I thought I was doing.
I couldn’t answer him. I was still in shock and confused but I remember thinking, what the hell did he think I was doing?
More to the point, I wonder what he would have done in the same situation?
He stomped back to his car and drove off. At that point, I wanted to go home too, so somehow, I punched a hole in the splintered glass and drove away.
Another time, we were just leaving the garage in our car, feeling rather pleased that it had miraculously passed its MOT. It was a lovely sunny morning and our spirits were high. We were looking forward to a visit to the coast that afternoon.
We were waiting at the top of a narrow exit ramp, when we saw a rather large laundry van at the bottom of the ramp.
We wondered what the van was doing. Surely, he wasn’t going to reverse up the ramp?
Oh yes, he was, and he obviously hadn’t seen us waiting at the top. He continued to reverse, we expected him to stop at any minute and when he showed no sign of slowing down, we started thumping the horn like a pair of crazy people.
Because the ramp was narrow, we couldn’t get out of the car. We were being forced to watch the disaster unfolding.
The car needed a new bonnet and radiator after that, but our nerves took a while to mend!
To this day, every time we see a Sunlight Laundry van, we still want to scream!
I was a driver for more than 25 years before my hip put a stop to my fun, but all those years sitting in the driving seat were some of the best years of my life…
Has anyone else had any near misses when driving?
Some things in life defy comprehension, but that doesn’t make them any less real. Or deadly.
When a familiar crow drops a cryptic scroll at Shawnee Daniels’ feet, she’s compelled to open it, even though everything in her power warns her not to. Mr. Mayhem—the most prolific serial killer the North Shore has ever known—claims her life is in danger. He “claims” he wants to help her, but just last year he threatened to murder everyone she loves.
While Mayhem taunts her with oddly-placed feathers, like The Creator left at his crime scenes, an interstate killing spree rocks Massachusetts and New Hampshire. A madman is decapitating men and women, dumping their headless corpses on two area beaches. But what Shawnee soon uncovers shatters all she’s ever known, her memories shredded, the whispers of the past in shambles on the ground.
Can she find the strength to move forward, or will the truth destroy her?
Another remarkable story in the Mayhem series and the main character, Mr Mayhem gets even better!
Infuriatingly enigmatic as always, I love the way he adores his crows, his wife, and even Shawnee Daniels in his own inimitable way.
I loved reading the fascinating history about the Navajo Indians and the importance of the eagle feathers.
They say that all good writing should leave you wanting answers, and Silent Mayhem, the third book in the series is chock full of questions as it gears up for the next instalment.
In the meantime, I have a few of my own…
How, exactly, can a cold-blooded killer be so kind, and believe that Shawnee had killed anyone?
How did he cure her mysterious illness and why did he want to keep her safe?
And who is this Navajo skinwalker?
I can thoroughly recommend Silent Mayhem, the pace might give you a coronary though, so you have been warned!
Burley, in the New Forest in Hampshire is a quaint old village where the animals can come and go as they please. As the locals will tell you, “They were here first…”
As I sit here at my writing desk, trying to imagine a lovely cooling shower of rain, I can hear the distant rumbling of thunder.
We did have a quick shower earlier, but it didn’t last long, and the ground dried out almost immediately.
After many false promises, we are assured of a breakthrough in the hot weather this evening, but I won’t be holding my breath!
That’s my way of defying fate, just so it can prove me wrong.
Seriously though, I have been wondering how everyone else manages… For instance, what equipment do they rely on?
It has become clear to me that we are sorely in need of something in our house, fans, or a cooling unit, but which?
If this were our house and not rented, we would probably save up and have air conditioning installed, or ceiling fans in every room at the very least.
It’s the nights that are the worst. Nights when your bed feels like an oven and you can’t find a cool place anywhere. Nights when I swear it feels hotter than it was during the day.
I can normally sleep anywhere, under any conditions, but this latest heatwave has kept me awake every single night. We threatened to sleep in the garden, but it wasn’t any cooler out there, either.
So, will we get some rain, maybe a little thunder? Or just a dramatic drop in the temperature?
I would settle for them all, after all, we deserve it…
How do you cope when the temperatures rise?
Waiting five weeks for the MRI was bad enough, then we had to wait for the results, so when the telephone rang, our hopes soared.
Our hopes quickly dived again when it wasn’t the results, just the Cardiac Failure nurse, ringing to make an appointment to visit and run checks on Anita’s progress.
When she arrived, complete with plastic apron, gloves and mask, she proceeded to carry out a barrage of tests in our living room, including Anita’s blood pressure, both sitting and standing, a full ECG, breathing monitored and then a ton of questions about the medication and how she was feeling.
The nurse seemed quite pleased with her findings, but changed several medications, according to instruction from the consultant.
There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but I knew instinctively that she probably couldn’t answer them. The only thing that can do that will be the results of the MRI.
In the six weeks since Anita’s heart attack, she has become stronger and is able to continue pretty much as normal. She gets very out of breath going upstairs, and this is a strong indication that she still has a long way to go.
After the nurse left, I had a look at the copy of the paper readout from the ECG machine, and I have to say that I have never seen a reading that bad. The familiar, normal spikes were non-existent.
I am quite familiar with heart patterns, due to my own heart attack a few years ago, and this one resembled nothing I had ever seen before.
Printed at the end of the printout were the machines conclusions and the words myocardial damage said it all. Among all the technical jargon was the word aberrant, which I knew meant deviating from what is normal. At that point, I would have given my eye teeth to know how badly Anita’s heart is damaged and/or what the MRI found…
I really hope to have better news soon…