#Jaye’s Journal ~ week 33

Jaye's Journal x12

 

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen…”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

I have a pretty big bone to pick with Mr Emerson, for in my experience, he had it backwards. Just try to make a decision and see what happens.

The minute you do, unseen forces start to work to make bloody sure it won’t happen, and it seems to have all the resources in the world at its disposal.

This year, it has been one thing after another to slow down our working progress and my current WIP, PayBack has taken several ages to finish.

Most of it was to be expected to be fair, what with various age-related ailments and the eyesight falling to record levels. Then the extended period of surgery, first one eye and then the other. Throw in a cartload of family problems and the result isn’t pretty. If I could see where I was going, I might start running!

I have been blessed cursed with more than my share of patience, so I have weathered each obstacle and handled it to the best of my ability, but it has left its mark. I am so tired of never getting where I want to be. Of constantly fighting that small voice in my head that tells me to give up and forget about everything, to go and sit in the garden.

Well, that idea is very tempting and if it stopped raining for a while, I probably would. I have been known to sit out there, rain and all, but I can’t get my freshly hacked eye wet, so not this time.

Speaking of the latest eye surgery. After the first time. I thought I was prepared for the ordeal. It isn’t a pleasant procedure and left me giddy and feeling very sick last time, but it didn’t hurt at all and the improvement in that eye was almost immediate.

This time it hurt. It felt as though he was gouging my eye out with a spoon and several times, I nearly signalled him to stop as I feared it would get worse, but he managed to finish without me screaming the place down. Like last time, I was giddy and nauseous, but also very upset. He never apologised for hurting me, or asked if I was all right, just disappeared, leaving the nurses to take care of me. They were wonderful, and after a lovely cup of coffee and ginger biscuits, I felt better. The eye was aching, and this would continue for several days.

Two days on, and the ache is fading. I am a little disappointed with the result so far, compared to the first eye. The sepia effect has gone but the lens glare is worse this time. The first eye manages without glasses now, but the vision in the second eye is still blurred.

(They don’t tell you about the lens glare, and it was disturbing until I discovered what it was. My first thought was that the new lens was loose and/or trying to come out, but I was seeing the edge of the lens catching the light. This fades as the lens beds itself in its new home and the edge of the scar heals over…)

I am not allowed to do much for a while, bending, lifting, wash my hair etc… so I thought I could get cracking on the preparation for the book launch. A golden opportunity to sit at my computer all day, or so I thought. But the eyes get very tired, so not getting as much done as I thought.

Hopefully, all of this will pass and the sooner the better…

 

(Thank you for all your kind thoughts and for listening!)

 

 

 

Haunted…

 

 

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Image by Pixabay.com

 

 

I touched the sky and found it haunted

A million souls held my hand

My mind raced through their lifetimes

The sad, the lonely, stuck between worlds

The minds of great philosophers

When I retract my hand

Will my mind retain their thoughts?

There is one above all that haunts me

Da Vinci, pleading for more life

I have more to give

His words echo in my heart

I wanted to tell him that life

Is right there waiting

to bite you in the arse

Like a junk yard dog…

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#TuesdayBookBlog ~ Not My Life by Anita Dawes… #FamilyDrama

SOMEONE HAUNTS Sarah’s dreams, someone who looks just like her.
Her name is Kelly and her life is a nightmare.

Are these dreams a message for Sarah’s future, or a glimpse of Kelly’s past?

Or are they both trapped in a world that isn’t their own?

 

Sarah Curtis is a typical teenager who has already decided how she wants her life to be. A loving husband, family, and friends. No dark clouds on the horizon. She has no idea that fate has other ideas for her future.

Sad and confusing dreams have been haunting her, where she seems to be someone else entirely. A completely different girl with some terrible and disturbing problems.
Despite trying to dismiss them as silly dreams, they do seem to be important, as if they hold the secret to her future.

The dreams get more and more depressing and Sarah begins to worry that something in her life must be wrong, and when a child goes missing, her life begins to mirror her dreams.
Her aunt takes Sarah to Cornwall for a holiday, but her mind refuses to rest. Trouble seems to follow her there, and a car accident leads to surgery when a clot is discovered in Sarah’s brain. Could this be the cause of her nightmares?
But the dreams still torment her…

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#Jaye’s Journal ~ week 32

 

Jaye's Journal x12

 

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Have you ever had one of those weeks when you have been so busy you haven’t had time to think?

Has your to-do pile grown so big you’re having nightmares about dealing with any of it?

At the end of every day do you wonder why you don’t seem to have achieved anything, despite being on the go all day?

Well, this week was the closest I have ever been to hell without getting burned. The stress levels in the family were at crisis level for a while and none of us coped with it very well.

The WIP (PayBack) is finally finished (I think) and I have just uploaded it to KDP as a draft, so I can have one final read through on Kindle. This is such a brilliant idea! It’s like reading someone else’s book!

Which is handy, because I was getting really fed up with constantly reading my printed copy. On Kindle, I should be able to spot anything that might have slipped through the net.

Time to start preparing the launch. I have been organising like crazy in my head and have a pile of notes on the subject, but now I must make all the right decisions, as PayBack might just be my last book and I want to do it proud, so to speak. Stopping writing doesn’t bear thinking about really, but I found this one so hard to write. I never thought I would ever stop, but the jury is out now, so who knows what will happen once the dust has settled.

First, I must get past the second of my cataract removals next week, and I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to being able to see properly again. The last few weeks have been a nightmare, what with the good eye fighting the bad one all the time. Everything I have been doing lately has been managed just a few inches from the PC screen. (I have been Mr Magoo for long enough) All of this was giving me serious headaches and my neck and back muscles are never going to forgive me.

The housework (what housework?)  has suffered and the garden is a mess, and to be honest, the mountain of outstanding jobs is beginning to look impossible to climb, but who knows, we must be in the running for at least one miracle.

Pity we don’t get to choose which one!

AAA (2)

No Harm…

 

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Image by Pixabay.com

 

 

No Harm

Would you wake a sleeping giant?

One who is cursed to walk the land

Looking for a place to be

To live as others do?

Where no one screams at the sight of him.

Would you walk with him?

Tell all those you meet

That he means no harm?

How can you convince them?

When stories have spread far and wide.

The village he destroyed, when a young boy

Throwing stones, hit the giants head.

What words could you use to convince them

He is no longer violent

When he barely understands a word you say.

What makes you think he has changed

In the time you have spent with him.

Will you tell them of the day?

You watched as he buried a fallen sparrow?

Picked flowers to lie on the dry earth.

The day he plucked a fish from the water

Removing the hook from its mouth

And setting it free.

Would any of this take the terror from their eyes

As he walks through the village

As they try to balance on ground that

Shakes with every foot fall.

An overgrown child who may never

learn to hide his pain without lashing out.

You may never tame what is meant

To live wild and free

Find a safe place for him, away from people

Let him go, watch from a distance…

Anita Signature

The Other Love… continued

 

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The  Oak Tree

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The weather had turned hot, not exactly digging weather and the oak was growing at the front of the house in full view of the sun.

I tried to judge when would be a good time to start, but it wasn’t looking good. The hot sun was constant, not losing heat until it began to set at around 7pm. I prayed for more cloud or even rain, as it wouldn’t be the first time I had been gardening in the pouring rain. In an emergency, I once put up 20 feet of fencing like that. If I need to do something, a little water will not stop me.

It doesn’t get dark until nearly 10pm, I would have three hours to get the job done.

 

When the time came, I had a few words with my target before I started digging. Not asking for a miracle or any cooperation, you understand, for I knew what I was in for. More to explain what I wanted to do. After all, this was an oak, once sacred and maybe still could be. It had been trying to grow in the wrong place for nearly 12 years, so although it was only two feet high, the roots would be extensive and most of them would be thick tap roots.

 

I started digging the trench around the tree again, meeting several large tap roots in the process. I severed these and kept digging. These were primarily for stability and wouldn’t be needed for what I had in mind.

The trench could only extend halfway around the tree for it was growing so close to our ancient wall. At this point, the job was beginning to look impossible. The trench was nearly 2 feet deep, but the tree wasn’t moving.

 

Time to start undercutting, so I produced my kneeling pad and set to work.

Several enormous tap roots later, there was still no movement and there had to be a reason. One last tap root was holding the tree in place, but I hadn’t spotted (or felt it) yet.

Despite the sun going down, it didn’t seem any cooler. I was dripping with sweat, very muddy and bleeding from several nasty gouges on both arms.

This oak wasn’t playing nice and I was exhausted, but not beaten or about to give up.

I cleared more soil to find the offending root.

 

My heart almost stopped when I found it. Covered in mud, it had been almost invisible and the size of it was incredible. It was the size of my arm!

Time to attack it with my branch saw.

 

I battled for another hour, determined to succeed in walking away with the sacred oak in my arms.

When it finally came free, I almost crawled around to my back yard, where I dumped it unceremoniously into a large bucket of water…

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Tune in later for what happened next…

AAA (2)

Jaye’s Journal ~ week 29

 

Jaye's Journal x12

 

There have been so many ups and downs this week, and I’m giddy.

The first few days I couldn’t do right for doing wrong. Jobs I do on a regular basis were going wrong and as for some of the new stuff I am trying to learn, don’t ask.

At one point I thought my brain must have gone for a walk, as I couldn’t understand a bloody word!

This was bad enough, but then I discovered that some of the work I thought I had managed to do, was in fact, rubbish. Add to all of that, I was trying desperately to get used to Windows 10 and a new version of Word too, and everywhere I went, everything seemed to have been updated or changed, sometimes for the worse. My life was becoming unbearable (as a writer/blogger anyway!)

So, during all of this, when I turned up at the hospital for the post-surgery check up on my new eye, I was delighted to be told it had healed beautifully and was behaving brilliantly. Not that I was getting the benefit much as the other eye seems worse by comparison. I seem to spend most of my time with one eye shut, but at least something had turned out all right.

The next few days were a strange mixture of joy and confusion as my good news was slowly suffocated by everything malfunctioning. This Windows 10 is the devils work and my laptop seems to be joining forces with it, almost convincing me to find a better way to spend my time!

What kept me going was the determination to rescue that Oak sapling and encourage it to be a bonsai. I knew this would be hard to do, but the idea wouldn’t leave me alone…

Tune in later this week for how it all went!

AAA (2)

 

Space for Me

 

 

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Image by Pixabay.com

 

 

Space for Me

Slowly memory returns

As I float like a leaf in the wind

I am deposed, my crown lost

My world taken by disbelievers

No candles lit; no prayers offered

I no longer rule the hearts of men

What is to become of me

A footnote in history

This I cannot allow

The All Father has left a spark within me

I will use it to create a miracle in one lost soul

He will spread the word, my name emblazed in his memory

Lucifer, the fallen one

The All Father should have taken the last spark

To prevent me rising in the hearts of man

That small space that rebels against goodness

Will always be mine…

Anita Signature

Devil Woman… #Poetry

 

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Image by Pixabay.com

 

Devil Woman

Her touch is velvet laced with poison

Evil grows where she walks

She is known by many names

Devil woman will strip your heart of feeling

Your mind of reason

Leaving you unborn, a golem

You live only for her will to move your body

To fetch and carry, to guard her when she sleeps

Safeguarding her vulnerability, her Achilles heel.

You can be saved by one who loves you

Who dares to enter during those hours of darkness

To kiss your broken body back to life…

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