#Jaye'sDays

Jaye’s Days… Circling the Drain?

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 19 Comments

The hospital appointment for my heart stress test arrived yesterday, for March 2nd.

At first, I was confused as I wasn’t expecting one so soon. It wasn’t long before signs of panic turned up too. Would they find something but deem me too old for surgery? Or suggest that it could all be in my head? This is a popular choice, BTW. Or would they decide to carve me up to give me more old age years?

My Angina has been getting slowly worse, and I cannot do much. Stubborn doesn’t worry about that, though, and I am doing the important stuff, even if it takes me a while to get my breath back. There’s not much to choose between Anita health-wise and me, as she is sleeping much more these days. I often wonder who will go first.

I try not to think about dying, probably in case I put the idea into the ether. Commonly called pushing my luck. I think we are supposed to be scared of dying, but I haven’t been scared of much in my life. There have been a few things that should have given me pause, but I never worry about dying, despite coming close a few times.

In the past, when life became unbearable, I often wished I could simply fall asleep and never wake up again. This never happened, of course.  This taught me to find solutions and find them fast, not to prolong the agony.

Of course, there have been one or two monumentally bad and sad times when I couldn’t wriggle out of a situation or avoid the problem. I wanted a magical spell to banish all the suffering and misery.

Times that I would love to change or make amends for, even now.

Times that could possibly be considered bad enough to send me to that other place when I finally shuffle off this mortal coil.

That, hopefully, won’t be for a while yet…

Not One of my Better Days…

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 33 Comments

We waited nearly an hour in the waiting room before it was my turn to see a member of the cardiology team. I was a nervous wreck then, but I tried to answer his questions sensibly without rambling on.

After running a stethoscope over my chest and checking my swollen feet, he turned to the computer and brought up the images from the angiogram I had back in August. He studied these images for several minutes, allowing me to see them myself.

It was weird watching my blood travelling through the arteries. I saw the stent that had saved my life all those years ago.

The verdict was coming, but I didn’t want to hear it as I knew the next step would probably be a bypass, involving opening my ribs to get to the heart of the problem. Sorry about that; I couldn’t help it!

I didn’t fancy that much, even though, if successful, I would be back to normal and be okay. But I wasn’t prepared for what he did say.

My heart, apparently, was quite happy, as some of the other arteries had rallied around and taken over the job of the blocked one, supplying my ticker with the blood it needed. This is something that usually happens on the right side of the heart. He did add that this, although handy, was not ideal as they would prefer to fix the problem properly…

I took a deep breath and waited for him to continue.

… only not someone of my advancing years. But…

He looked puzzled when he said that, and there always has to be a but, doesn’t there?

My symptoms of severe fatigue and breathlessness, in his opinion, didn’t fit with my heart’s current state and could mean that something else was going on. He added that he would arrange for me to have a stress test, where they put my heart through hoops to see its reaction.

He seemed happy with his decision, but I wasn’t quite finished yet.

I had to ask the million-dollar question.

“If you do find anything, what will that mean?”

“Then we would be forced to operate…”

I hope I don’t have to wait four months for this appointment!

Listening to music has helped me to cope with all of this, so I wanted to share one of my favourites with you all…

Jaye’s Days… Best Laid Plans…

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 15 Comments

Best Laid Plans…

I keep telling myself that it’s a brand new year and time to think about making a few plans for 2023.

Not sure why, but for some reason, I wasn’t listening. I have been busy writing. After long months of dragging my heels, the words have been pouring out of me at about 1000 a day. I am really enjoying feeling like a writer again.

I have also been threatening to conquer Scrivener, something I have tried to do in the past. Something about this new burst of enthusiasm has made it seem essential, so I am following my instincts here.

The fact that Microsoft Word has been tinkering again and made some diabolical changes that are definitely not helpful might have something to do with it.

Do you ever get fed up with having all the different parts of your WIP all over the place?

I know I do.

I like to gather all the specific information and ideas long before I start to write the story.

First, there is the setting to create, whether it is based on a real place or not. Then you need your people. Not a lot of them to be fair but creating at least four people from the ground up can be hard enough.

Next are the problems. The ones your characters turn up with and the ones that smack them on the head in no time at all.

The trouble with all of this, it usually ends up as several files, requiring you to hop about like a dog at a flea party.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if you could access everything on the screen at the same time?

I had heard about Scrivener before and did my best to learn it. Either I wasn’t in the mood to learn a new system back then, or something put me off. I don’t usually have much luck with complicated technology and that could have been the problem.

The more I have thought about it since I wish I had persevered.

So, I will have another go, and you never know; I might just get the hang of it this time. Based on the older and wiser adage, of course.

The first thing I did was the usual way I ever learned anything. I opened Scrivener and tried to figure it out by all the different parts. Toolbars are something I know about, after all. I learned this tactic from a friend of mine. Whenever she wants to learn something new, she presses all the buttons to see what happens.

I have to report that this didn’t work for me, and I retired, defeated again and more confused than ever.

I had already read through the Dummies Guide to Scrivener, which was as much help as a chocolate teapot. Just when I thought I would be stuck with Microsoft Word forever, I remembered YouTube, although it didn’t help me with PowerPoint. I decided to have a look anyway.

The first one I found was from Joanna Penn from The Creative Penn. She recommended Scrivener and was very helpful. I made a lot of notes, confident that my worries and confusion were over. Then I tried Scrivener again, armed with my newfound knowledge.

Well, I tried. Even with my notes, I just couldn’t crack it. I tried to enter the title of my book. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? But it wasn’t.

Nothing made sense to me, and there didn’t seem to be any logical sequence to follow. By then, I was desperate to learn how to use Scrivener, as I don’t like feeling defeated.

The next day I was back on YouTube.

This time I found William Gallagher, a man with a kind face and an easy voice to listen to. Too many people on YouTube speak too fast and shout at you, which I don’t find helpful.

William’s video was an hour long, and he explained everything in words I could understand. His instructions were easy to follow, and he showed me what to do every step of the way.

Armed with this helpful advice, I couldn’t wait to put it all into practice, only to find myself far too busy over Christmas. But when I clear the decks and free an afternoon, I will have one last try to master Scrivener.

When, and if I do, you will hear about it…

Jaye’s Days… My Perfect Moment…

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 12 Comments

After what has seemed like a very long time, I have found my perfect moment.

I finally managed to get to the sea, and the sun was shining. A strong breeze from the water created some medium-sized but beautiful waves.

We had visited this beach the week before, but the weather was atrocious that day, and we nearly froze. The weather report was more favourable yesterday, so we made the journey again.

I have been trying to snatch a few precious moments to get my sea fix, and it was beginning to look like it might never happen.

The sea is my soul mate and very special to me. I need to commune with the spirits of the deep regularly.

Seeing how my health seems to be slowly deteriorating, I need to keep my soul happy, or I may give up. So yesterday was invaluable for several reasons.

Once on the seafront, the family were busy fussing about coffee or something to eat, but the sea was calling me, and I wandered slowly down the shingle beach and headed for the water. Almost immediately, the deafening sound of the waves beaching and the sweeter sound of the water filtering through the shingle lifted me out of this world. A world where I was completely at home.

I wanted to sit down, stay awhile, and enjoy the moment, but the shingle was wet, so I perched on a breakwater, mesmerised by the crashing waves.

I managed to film my perfect long-awaited moment on my phone, so I could share the moment with you…

Jaye’s Days…

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 17 Comments

Jaye’s Days

One way or another, a lot of things have been neglected by me this past year.

At the beginning of the year, I spent a lot of time outside in the garden, so of course, housework was the last thing on my mind. I was busy writing, too, and that was the best excuse in the world!

When the weather turned, changing from drought conditions to never-ending rain, I was back indoors, but somehow the housework wasn’t high on my list of priorities.

I tried to maintain reasonable hygiene levels in the kitchen and bathroom, but cleaning windows, dust bunnies, cobwebs and hoovering weren’t filtering through my brain. That’s when it was time to release my book, and unfortunately, the virus came calling too.

I am not firing on all cylinders yet but determined to catch up on a few things. Namely the oven and the freezer. They are two of the worst and least favourite of all jobs. Inside the oven, a meat pie had leaked most of its gravy, leaving a rapidly burning pile of goo on everything.

Then I was attacked by a huge iceberg when trying to find the ice cream in the freezer, and if it had grown any more, I wouldn’t have been able to shut the freezer door!

Day One

I staggered the work, as I still felt fragile and started on the oven. I warmed the oven in the faint hope that it would help with the cleaning process, then removed all the shelves and sprayed cleaner all over the interior. I shut the oven door and put the kettle on for a much-needed cuppa. Yes, I know I haven’t done much yet, but still.

The rest of the morning, the kitchen became a battleground as the dirt was removed from the oven and transferred to every available surface in my kitchen.

This is what I hate about housework. You do one simple job and then have to spend ages cleaning up. Mind you, the oven did look lovely.

Day Two

Time to tackle the iceberg!

I had already frozen the ice packs, ready for the defrost. We are not one of those families who can run the freezer down to nothing; it will never happen! So I have devised a method that works for me and keeps the food frozen. It usually takes an hour to transfer all the frozen food to the fridge, accompanied by multiple ice packs, and to defrost the freezer. At this point, you are banned from opening the fridge door.

I turned off the power and inspected the accumulated ice. There did seem to be a lot more of it than I thought. Would one hour be enough?

I started spraying the de-icer, only to run out halfway through. Then I added several trays of hot water and waited for the big melt to begin.

After an hour, the lump of ice looked as big as ever.  I had no choice but to continue the process and pray it wouldn’t take much longer.

When two hours had passed, I assessed the progress. The ice had retreated but not by much. If I waited any longer, I risked losing the food, which was probably having serious thoughts about defrosting by now.

Out came the hairdryer, and on my knees, I gave the ice one last assault. I even bashed it with a wooden spatula in my desperation. But I had to concede defeat.

Maybe after Christmas, I could have another go?

I know housework can be boring, and normally I wouldn’t go on about it, but honestly, this is the most fun I have had in months…

©JayeMarie2022

Jaye’s Days… #Bad News

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 38 Comments

We never know what’s around the corner, do we?

Just when I thought we were chugging along, managing all the necessary everyday things, something decided to drop a bombshell on our family, causing worry and a fair bit of chaos.

I was still glowing from the success of the book launch for Ghost of a Chance and making plans for my next endeavour. I had originally decided to take time out until after Christmas, but that didn’t seem quite right. So when number one son came home from work feeling decidedly unwell, all kinds of alarm bells started ringing.

The thing we have been dreading had arrived.

A routine test confirmed our worst fears. After avoiding the covid virus all this time, it was now in the house, and we were in all probability, next in line.

We have been taking precautions, literally washing our hands every two minutes and avoiding contamination where possible, but today, five days later, Anita tested positive this morning. She hasn’t been feeling well, but we hoped it was a cold. I just hope she is strong enough to fight her way through it.

My tests have been negative, and I hope they stay that way. If I get it too, we may starve to death, as I’m the only one who knows what to do in the kitchen!

Jaye – wishing for the best!

Jaye’s Days…

/ Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes / 5 Comments
poster for daily journal by Jatye Marie

It is 7.30 in the morning. The air is still, and cool compared to yesterday, and the only sound I can hear is the repeated and annoying call of a wood pigeon. I counted twelve that time. It is 20 degrees already and we have been promised another hot day. Parts of the UK have seen 32 degrees in the past few days, something I have not enjoyed at all.

My swollen feet and ankles look like hobbit feet, and the arthritis is running riot. I live in a cotton nightdress and cannot bear to get dressed. Cool showers only work for a few minutes and drinking water makes me feel like a ripe peach, about to burst.

Torrential rain and thunderstorms were forecast for parts of the country, and you guessed it, nowhere near where we live.

Anita cannot stand the heat either, and is really suffering. Every day the angina attacks get worse, yet we have not heard from the hospital about the plans for a new treatment. Lockdown might be over, but it seems to make matters worse, not better.

On the work front, I am trying to keep busy in between moments of desperation and complete despair. What’s the point has taken up residence at the back of my mind, and ignoring it is becoming a full-time occupation.

To give my brain something else to bite on, I am trying to switch our subscriber list from Mailchimp to Mailerlite, as I have heard good things about them. For some reason, they just don’t like my email address so not getting very far with logging in. Stubborn is as stubborn does, so they say, so today I will try again. If your hear a loud explosion coming from the south of England, you will know I failed spectacularly!

I am also reading David Gaughran’s free course ‘Starting from Zero, to try and improve our marketing. You never know, we might even get around to doing some, once the dust settles…

This Book Funnel promotion ends at the end of the month, so thought I would mention it again. My book CrossFire is taking part and so far has been picked up well, so thank you to everyone who now has a FREE copy!

https://books.bookfunnel.com/serialkillerchampagne/2d36r2udcw