Spending the day gathering my wits…
I know I left them around here somewhere…
It was another Monday morning in front of the computer, and I was asking myself the same old question. Why do I bother with any of it? Anything that could go wrong usually does, and it was getting a bit worn. Then my inner voice decided to join in the conversation.
Everyone feels like this sometimes. You are not unique, you know…
Yes, I know we all have days when we think everything conspires against us, and life seems futile. Doesn’t help, though.
You sound like a drama queen, one who is prone to over-exaggeration…
I don’t think I have imagined the succession of near disasters that have played havoc with my life this year?
Okay, I will admit there have been one or two, but nothing to write home about…
How about my inability to successfully market anything? You have to admit I am hopeless?
Could be you’re just not smart enough, for it’s not exactly rocket science…
I can buy that one, for the results of my efforts speak for themselves.
You seem to be forgetting that you are OLD. That feeling of circling the drain is quite normal at your age you know…
There are days when I would agree, but others when I still feel competent enough for the job in hand.
But which of these days are the real ones, and not the ones that are the result of your own stupidity?
I know I have a few shortcomings, but there are also circumstances that are beyond my control.
Beyond your mental capacity, you mean…
A fine Jiminy Cricket you turned out to be, where is all the optimism, the encouragement?
I can only work with the material I have at my disposal. It’s not my fault if your grey matter isn’t up to scratch…
You know, all of this could be academic if my health gets any worse. I’m sure you have to agree that I am not imagining that?
I know it does all seem very real, but you have beaten the odds before, and will do again, I’m sure…
So, you would conduct my life differently, would you? You are coming across as a smug know-it-all, but you don’t drop any hints any more, do you? Isn’t that supposed to be part of your remit?
After a lifetime of trying my best for you, literally thousands of hints later, I have run out of ideas. Banging my head against a wall is definitely not my scene…
So I am on my own now, you are retiring?
You still have your instincts, even though they malfunction far too often. It has brought you this far, however…
“Some of us get to choose how we live our lives, whether to depend on our conscience, or wing it with instinct.
Heaven knows which is best, and I think it also knows what will happen to us. I could do with a ‘heads up’ round about now…”
You won’t guess what this photograph is…
I desperately need a new camera, for its absolute crap at taking night photos…
But I tried to capture it anyway, and although it’s terrible, it did make me laugh!
This is the view from our front door, and the white light is the street lamp.
Drum roll please… the orange light is… THE MOON …
To say I was disappointed would be putting it mildly, but compared to what is going on at the moment, nothing to speak of really…
Hoping everyone is keeping chins and spirits up… difficult, I know, but one day we will laugh about it. (at least I have been told that we will)
Last week was such a frustrating time for me, for so many reasons and the end of my rope seems to be getting ever closer.
These good and bad days I swear would try the patience of a saint. This is something I have never professed to be, so maybe I had it coming. Despite the frustration, I approached the new WIP, only to find an alien pile of scribblings that looked only vaguely familiar. I read the last thing I wrote but nothing happened, no clear direction, nothing. I went back even further, with the same results. My heart sank to the floor as it was beginning to look as though I would have to start again.
At this point, my brain nearly went crazy. I wanted to cry, scream, or leave the building and couldn’t make up my mind which. Fortunately, I have a running storyboard of sorts, with a tenuous thread running to the end, something I have not done before, so I studied it, desperately seeking inspiration.
But my brain wouldn’t budge.
Maybe, I thought, had I chosen the wrong genre? I wanted to deviate a little and drop the crime element. Try something that didn’t need detectives crawling all over it, like a psychological thriller.
By now, I was beginning to feel as though I had lost whatever writing ability I thought I had, along with my brain and my muse. Not that she has ever been a great help to me, more the opposite really. She can argue the hind legs off a donkey and can always find at least three reasons why something won’t work, so I’m not missing her half as much as the contents of my brain.
All this confusion has triggered off some very serious thinking about my future in the cyberworld. Not sure if it’s me or has everything suddenly become more complicated? I am forgetting things more and more and find myself doing the oddest of things (like trying to put the kettle in the fridge) so perhaps it is me.
This needs a lot more thought (if this is even possible these days) so will see you all next week with hopefully some better ideas for the future!
©Jaye Marie 2020
The week started with one hell of a noise in our road, culminating right outside our door. The local water board were fitting water meters or something all along our road, and we had several workmen, looking at the hole they had just made, looking at each other then back at the hole. We wondered what the problem was for they seemed to have successfully finished several of our neighbour’s installations, but ours was obviously a problem of some sort.
After much head-scratching and worried expressions (reminding me of one of those comedy sketches), they all went away, leaving us none the wiser.
We found out that some idiot had tried to chop their way through a gas pipe, so we were subjected to more workmen (gas board this time) doing the same head-scratching, worried look routine as they tried to figure out what to do about it. Finally, the problem was sorted, the pipe was replaced and the hole partially filled in. But not with what came out of it… what did that mean?
We did wonder why they hadn’t finished filling in the hole, but we weren’t prepared for the next turn of events. It began to unravel like one of those Monty Python routines.
Two men came and put some of the dirt back, an hour later two different men used an angle grinder to make the hole in the pavement nice and square. Then they finished filling the hole.
Oh good, we thought, nearly finished.
Not a bit of it.
Nothing else happened that day, and we supposed they might have forgotten all about it.
Two days later a huge lorry turned up and proceeded to tarmac the hole with much song and dance. This job needed three workmen. I might point out that said hole was all of 15 inches square!
We were in stitches wondering how long we would have to put up with all the barriers that were beginning to look like a fixture if the week’s activities were anything to go by!
Another day passed and first thing the next morning a van arrived (was it my imagination, or did the driver look a bit sheepish?) and took all the barriers away and the saga of the hole was finally over.
It only took 9 workmen and 4 days…
You couldn’t make it up, could you? And if you did, would anyone believe you?
And despite the comedy/drama unfolding right outside our door, I actually managed to do quite a lot of writing. (and I didn’t need 9 workmen either!)
How about that!
Last night an angel
came to haunt my dreams
On waking, I found two numbers
Written in the dust on my windowsill
I know that doesn’t say much
for my housekeeping
Anyway, numbers, 11 and 14
I made a note, hoping there would be more
Sure enough, by the end of the week
I had six numbers that I played on the lotto
Thank God for dreaming, I won something!
Try not to dust too often ladies
You never know when you might be visited…
Already I am not enjoying 2020 much.
I don’t feel right and my brain is refusing to do anything constructive. Inspiration seems to be on holiday, and if I get any slower, I’ll be at a standstill.
The results of the mammogram I had just before Christmas hasn’t arrived yet, and until they do, I always fear the worse and this is probably affecting everything else.
Various appliances around the house are playing up and the kitchen light died last week. It’s one of those circular fluorescent tube lights and finding any replacement tubes is getting difficult. I really should replace it but can’t face doing it now.
So, the only light we have in the kitchen comes from the cooker hood, which is not ideal. You risk being poisoned in our house this week as I cannot see what I’m doing!
And can you guess how many times I have switched on the light and waited for it to come on?
The internet is being its usual annoying self, and I am getting so tired of nothing working the way it’s supposed to.
And finally, I have made an appointment at the opticians, as my eyes are tired, and the headaches are getting worse. I worry that they did something wrong when the cataract was removed last year, so best to get it checked out.
The light tube turned up and I can now see what I’m doing in the kitchen.
The results of the mammogram turned up and ‘show nothing suspicious’ so I am delighted to be another year free from cancer. Four years now, so looking good!
Had my eyes tested again and will have to have new glasses as my eyes have changed again since the cataracts were removed last year. Two new pairs cost me a bloody fortune too, but I was assured that my eyes should settle down now.
No improvement in the brain /inspiration department, but at least I am trying to find a way around it. I mean, everything else seems to be on the up…
©Jaye Marie 2020
The New Year has begun and already I’m running late!
Week two and I haven’t written my first journal entry yet.
Actually, I haven’t done much of anything this year and I hope this isn’t an indication of the rest of the new year, but I have the feeling it might be. The elephant in my office is rather small, but his presence is disturbing.
Probably time to remove the constriction of the week numbers, so I can just write when the muse dictates, no regular Journal.
A lot of writers/bloggers have been waxing lyrical about all their plans for2020, but the more I read, the more I realise I cannot be like that anymore.
Something has been changing inside my head and it is time to sort out the rather sweet animal that lurks in the corner of my office!
Towards the end of 2019, I was getting more and more depressed about my stress levels and the lack of activity in my brain. Wondering if I really was getting too old for all this blogging/writing malarkey. So much so, I was beginning to wonder if it was even possible to be a blogger and a writer, or does one always suffer from the competition of the other?
Maybe it should be more about quality, not quantity, shouldn’t it?
This sounds hopeful but exactly what does it mean and how can I apply it to my already complicated life?
The little grey elephant is shaking his head, so no help there…
A lot of people have been looking at their stats, so I staggered over to WP and looked at ours, looking for inspiration or confirmation I suppose.
Our progress since we began blogging has been slow and steady. Pretty impressive for an ageing technophobe, I thought. But maybe not exactly reassuring now that my brain is seriously out to lunch these days.
There is a lot we want to do this year, that’s if I can find out where my get up and go is hiding! I refuse to believe that this could be the year that the elephant wins, even if he is only a little one…
Finish editing Anita’s brilliant new book, Running Moon…
Finish creating the book of Anita’s poetry
And possibly start to write the new story that my character DI Snow has been nagging me about!
And finally, introduce more automation to our website, to give the elephant a few days off…
©Jaye Marie 2020
The relationship between Ani, the inimitable Small Dog and her two-legs, first came to light in ‘Notes from a Small Dog: Four Legs on Two’. Their poetic adventures continued in ‘Laughter Lines: Life from the Tail End’. In this new collection of poems, their daily life together takes centre stage. From the perfidy of humans who insist on bathing dogs, to the unpunctuality of writers at mealtimes, the relationship between two legs and four is explored in verse. The Small Dog reveals her continuing fascination with chicken, tennis balls and the compulsion to re-write Shakespeare, while exposing her two legs’ misdemeanours to the world.
We first met Ani when we started blogging nearly seven years ago, along with Sue, her long suffering two legs and all the other wonderful people we have discovered along the way, and they have changed the sometimes-lonely life of two writer/bloggers into a delightful journey.
Doggerel, this wonderful book of poems will introduce everyone to the inimitable charm that is Ani, the four-legged poet extraordinaire, whose touchingly beautiful face adorns many of the pages.
All the poems are a delight to read, but my all-time favourite must be ‘The Small Dog Suffers…’ describing the many ways Ani has of trying to get around Sue for more food, ending with this last line…
‘and by the way, for afters, I shall help you eat your dinner…’
Sue Vincent’s poems always manage to make me smile and make my day a lot brighter!