Interview With My Conscience…

It was another Monday morning in front of the computer, and I was asking myself the same old question. Why do I  bother with any of it? Anything that could go wrong usually does, and it was getting a bit worn. Then my inner voice decided to join in the conversation.

Everyone feels like this sometimes. You are not unique, you know…

Yes, I know we all have days when we think everything conspires against us, and life seems futile. Doesn’t help, though.

You sound like a drama queen, one who is prone to over-exaggeration…

I don’t think I have imagined the succession of near disasters that have played havoc with my life this year?

Okay, I will admit there have been one or two, but nothing to write home about…

How about my inability to successfully market anything? You have to admit I am hopeless?

Could be you’re just not smart enough, for it’s not exactly rocket science…

I can buy that one, for the results of my efforts speak for themselves.

You seem to be forgetting that you are OLD. That feeling of circling the drain is quite normal at your age you know…

There are days when I would agree, but others when I still feel competent enough for the job in hand.

But which of these days are the real ones, and not the ones that are the result of your own stupidity?

I know I have a few shortcomings, but there are also circumstances that are beyond my control.

Beyond your mental capacity, you mean…

A fine Jiminy Cricket you turned out to be, where is all the optimism, the encouragement?

I can only work with the material I have at my disposal. It’s not my fault if your grey matter isn’t up to scratch…

You know, all of this could be academic if my health gets any worse. I’m sure you have to agree that I am not imagining that?

I know it does all seem very real, but you have beaten the odds before, and will do again, I’m sure…

So, you would conduct my life differently, would you? You are coming across as a smug know-it-all, but you don’t drop any hints any more, do you? Isn’t that supposed to be part of your remit?

After a lifetime of trying my best for you, literally thousands of hints later, I have run out of ideas.  Banging my head against a wall is definitely not my scene…

So I am on my own now, you are retiring?

You still have your instincts, even though they malfunction far too often. It has brought you this far, however…


“Some of us get to choose how we live our lives, whether to depend on our conscience, or wing it with instinct.

Heaven knows which is best, and I think it also knows what will happen to us.  I could do with a ‘heads up’ round about now…”

8 thoughts on “Interview With My Conscience…

  1. About that marketing … stop wasting so much of your precious energy on it. If you’re doing what you honestly consider to be a goodly amount about it then relax and get on with writing. Unless you have a superpower that you’re not telling us about you can NOT make people buy a book if they don’t want to, no matter how much marketing you do.

    And yeah, follow your instincts. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have been trying to be superwoman lately, but getting nowhere fast! So everything else is going to take a back seat now. My intention was, to establish some kind of marketing routine in time for the new book. But you’re right, first things first. Finish the darn thing first!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I loved the phrase “that feeling of circling the drain” as you get older! I think that, like Stevie, I don’t mind spending a bit longer perfecting my work before I put it out there. It’s a good job I don’t rely on writing for my income! If it’s any consolation to you, March was a good month for me on Amazon – £2.50 cumulative from 3 countries! Like you, I’m trying Medium and that seems to be worthwhile – $10 in two months, and another recommended story today.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on Stevie Turner and commented:
    Sometimes we all feel just as Jaye is feeling now. Yes, why do we carry on bashing our heads against a wall? Are we really all going to be famous writers someday (ha ha)? Sometimes all this marketing malarkey just seems quite futile. I must admit I was probably more enthusiastic back in 2013 when I first started writing, but I rushed the first book and sent it off too soon. Now when I write I’m in no rush to finish a manuscript or to send it off to agents unless I’m happy I can do no more with it . Perhaps that’s the one advantage of having 6 years of writing experience. However, I’m still happy self-publishing and always try to winkle out a positive side to any situation, otherwise life might get rather dire…

    Liked by 3 people

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