Too Much Information!

Life in the Dawes household is on a knife edge now, as the date for Anita’s next and hopefully successful visit to the hospital draws ever nearer.

They plan to be fitting Anita with a pacemaker/defibrillator on Wednesday next week to persuade her poor old heart to start behaving normally. In preparation, we have been bombarded with a cart load of instructions, safety checks and medication updates.

There is so much to remember, and even more information that we really didn’t need, but you know doctors, they must tell you everything, including, in great detail, everything that could go wrong.

Me personally, I like to know what might happen to me, even the bad stuff, but Anita would rather not dwell on that side if things. She hasn’t said as much, but I know she would rather carry on as she is, even with all the breathlessness and fatigue, than walk into that hospital again. If we do get her there, she will be doing it for us, her family and not for herself.

So when the consultant began to describe, in detail, about how he would be feeding several wires through her veins into and around her heart, and that she would be awake while this was all going on, I could clearly see her having second thoughts. 

He then made a tricky moment even worse by rattling off everything bad that could happen while she was on the table. Anita didn’t need him to describe everything she would hear and feel either. I could tell by her face that she desperately wanted to tell him she had changed her mind.

Apart from childbirth some fifty years ago and a broken leg a while back, Anita hasn’t had much to do with doctors and hospitals. Just by osmosis through me and all my many medical problems. For sisters, we couldn’t be more different, even though we look alike…

So, understandably, she is becoming extremely nervous and hating every minute. It wouldn’t take much to have her making for the hills!

These next few days will be an extreme test of everyone’s patience, tact, and diplomacy as we all try to convince ourselves and each other that everything will be fine. Anita will have a Covid test on Sunday and be confined to barracks until the day we leave for the hospital…

I don’t want to be here…

From the hospital bed…

I don’t want to be here
I shouldn’t be here
They changed my pills
Brought me back again
Far worse than before
Now more tests
Needles everywhere
To see if they can fix me
Keep me from coming back
Now I’m stuck inside
These four grey walls
Feeling a little sorry for myself
As I shouldn’t be here.
The upside is the people I have met
They are wonderful
They keep me from screaming
I am counting the bruises
Up my arms instead
Thank God for the phone
I can talk to Jaye
Drive her mad instead
My son drove here
Like Mad Max on super speed
If he had not run that last red light
They say I would have been
Floating above their heads
Thank God they ripped
My clothes off in time
To keep me earthbound
More tests tomorrow
Home soon after that
I hope!

©anitadawes 2020

Jaye: just received a phone call from Anita… she’s coming home this afternoon!

From a hospital bed…

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

My story

The story of my life has not been played out yet. 
 The end has not been written.
At least not in the way I want it to.
God will have to hold fire on giving me
the key to the pearly gates
I don’t need to know what lies within
Not yet. 
So far, I have managed an encore
I mean to make it the longest one in history
Keep watching this space
I’ll be back…

©anitadawes 2020

Progress Report!

Image by Pixabay.com

This is going to be a hard week to get through!

We now have a date for Anita’s MRI –1st August — Saturday!

We also had a phone call check up this morning from the cardiology department. They asked a million questions but seemed happy with Anita’s progress. She is a lot stronger, but the stairs still leave her struggling to breathe, which is a worry.

I’m doing a fair bit of struggling of my own, too — what with running the household and all my other jobs. Some housework is being done, but nowhere near enough!

Most of the time, I have no idea what I am doing, or if I have forgotten anything as I’m concentrating so hard to make Anita well again. Her medication is complicated, nine different kinds of pills every day. 

Number one son brought one of those weekly pill boxes, which has helped a lot. At least I can now see immediately if I have missed any!

I find myself thinking about some funny things these days, even with all the stress, which is rather odd seeing as how I can’t persuade my brain to do anything for me. I would have thought it would welcome the time off, or does it know something I don’t?

Perhaps it’s trying to get my attention?

Not a chance mate, if the WIP can’t do it, I don’t think anything else will.

I have been reading some interesting posts lately, about goals, ambitions and what most of us settle for and maybe we shouldn’t?

I have the ill-gotten reputation for being a bit clever, but I’ll let you into a secret. I’m the world’s best winger!

I love to make all manner of craft work, plus knitting, crochet, and dressmaking. I cook and paint and have two sets of green fingers. Most of what I make looks passable, but is any of it really great? Perhaps it all comes down to the difference between good and brilliant!

The phrase ‘Jack of all Trades, master of none’ runs through my head, making me wonder if I should stop trying everything and concentrate on just one thing and try for perfection.

As writing is my most favourite thing, maybe I should start with a creative writing course? Any ideas, anyone?


I spotted this somewhere, and couldn’t resist sharing it!

He gets my vote!

#BlogBattle ~ Wretched

Untitled design (1)

#BlogBattle: Wretched

Blogbattle_WRETCHED

July 2020 Blog Battle

The word this month is:

Wretched


(Dictionary definition)

Living in misery
Attended by misery and woes
Inferior in performance or quality
Very unpleasant: deplorable

For the past two weeks, it has been a case of all the above, since Anita, the head of our family had a nasty heart attack. She also had pneumonia, which was complicating matters even further, but due to the corona virus lockdown, we were not allowed to visit her in the hospital.

So for seven miserable and wretched days we worried our socks off at home, wondering what was going on and how Anita was feeling.

On the third day, we managed to acquire the number of the telephone, which was conveniently right next to Anita’s bed, which enabled us to speak to her and find out how she was feeling and what had been happening. This contact was a godsend for all of us and went a long way to keeping us from self-detonating!

Anita is back home now, but the misery is still present, although not as intense as it was before, as she is still very ill. She has extensive damage to her heart and as yet no way of knowing the exact prognosis. There is a waiting list for the MRI which will ascertain the damage, but until that day arrives, wretched will unfortunately be the order of the day…

Anita’s Heart, and where we are now…

Image by Thomas B. from Pixabay

Seven years ago, when I had my heart attack, I was rushed to hospital in the middle of the night. The ambulance crew ran the tests on the way, and when I arrived at the hospital, I was taken straight to the Cath Lab, where a stent was fitted in the failing artery.

I went home the following day, as right as ninepence…

I know most of the family were expecting something similar when Anita collapsed and was diagnosed with heart failure last week.

Unfortunately, she was not so lucky.

This past week has been upsetting, confusing and frustrated us all to hell and back. Due mainly to the restricted access to information because of Covid 19. We couldn’t visit Anita, and the doctors are so busy, nailing one of them down for a detailed explanation was well nigh impossible. We had to gradually piece together all the scraps of information until we had a clearer picture, but the result of our detective work was heart breaking. Ours that is…

Not only did Anita have a nasty chest infection, and a build up of fluid on her lungs, but her heart was so severely damaged that any treatment apart from medication would probably have killed her.

So we, and the doctors played a waiting game for most of the week, adjusting her medication repeatedly until she began to respond. Anita didn’t become stable (don’t you just love that expression?) until late on Thursday.

And this is where the confusion started again in earnest. They began talking about Anita coming home over the weekend. But how could she come home without any treatment for her damaged ticker?

It wasn’t until we became first class pests that we learned of their plan.

Because of Covid 19 and the incredible workload at the hospital, and taking into account Anita’s increasing cabin fever, it was decided to allow her to come home to continue to recover until she was well enough for an MRI to assess the extent of the damage to her heart. Only then would they know how to treat it.

So, as of late Saturday afternoon, we collected Anita and became official carers. Armed with a pharmacy of pills, a strict regime, and orders to make sure she rested, we knew it was down to us to keep her going…

But I am sure that all your good wishes, hugs and healing prayers played a huge part in getting Anita this far, and we (the whole Dawes family) thank you all from the bottom of our hearts!

Breaking News!

These are virtual flowers for Anita

Yesterday was a very bad day for all the family.

We received a worrying update from the hospital that literally ripped us all to pieces. We all cried as the enormity of the doctors words slowly sank in. Anita’s heart was so seriouly damaged that the only thing they could safely do for her at the moment, was to continue all the medications and hope she could rally under her own steam.

This morning I was determined to try and speak to Anita, as they did say it might be possible and that was good enough for me. The hospital phone line was busy for the longest time but when they finally answered me and I was put through to the ward, I was told there was a phone in her room and if I hung for a minute, she would get me the number.

Minutes later, I heard Anita’s voice…

I expected to hear a frail old lady, for that was how she looked the last time I saw her. Imagine my surprise, when the voice I knew so well, greeted me with all the bounce and enthusism I knew of old. She sounded well, strong and as cheerful as always. Of course, I gently quizzed her for details and everything she spoke of sounded hopeful and encouraging. They were really impressed with her progress and even mentioned being able to go home at the weekend!

We talked for ages, passing the phone back and forth with her son Stephen, and when we finally signed off as they had come to check on something, it was two very relieved people who hung up the phone. We passed the phone number on to the rest of the family, as they were desperate to hear her voice too.

Tomorrow we hope to hear when they will be taking Anita to the Cath Lab for an angiogram to assess the damage and the necessary treatment…

We are so grateful for all the prayers and good wishes coming in from all over the world, and I’m sure they all had a part in her amazing progress!

Step Over… #Poetry

Anita write this poem last week, but it gave me a chill when I read it this morning. Did she know something was about to happen to her?

Latest news from the hospital;

Anita is comfortable, confined to bed and receiving oxygen and intravenous medication to reduce the fluid in her lungs. Once this has lessened, she will probably have a stent fitted in the offending artery.

We are not allowed to visit, which is killing all of us, but will be taking some personal things later today, which they promise to give her.

Up until now, I have been coping with all the restrictions of the lockdown, but this one is hitting us all hard. My thoughts and prayers go out to all hospital patients and their families at this terrible time…

Strange Timing #Poetry

Strange Timing!

Walking home from the library
A man rushing in the opposite direction
bumped into me, almost knocking me off my feet.
If I hadn’t stood with my mouth open
Wanting to let loose a few blue words
I would have stepped off the kerb
Instead of the young man just ahead of me
Now lying in the road in front of a black cab.
I should have been the one lying there
I couldn’t help feeling that death
would be waiting around every corner
to collect the soul he had missed.
Was it strange timing,
or an angel that had bumped my shoulder?

©anitadawes 2020


Heartbreaking News!

Strange timing indeed, when I chose this poem by Anita for todays post, for late yesterday afternoon, we had to rush Anita to the emergency department as she was desperately ill.

She had been unwell all week but had really gone hill on Sunday. She was in a lot of pain, having trouble breathing and felt clammy, although her temperature was normal. I used my machine to test her blood pressure and that’s when the alarm bells started to ring in earnest. It was so high that we knew we had to persuade her to go to the hospital.

Not an easy job, as she hates anything to do with doctors and always refuses to go, even when we beg! Calmly and without letting the panic show too much, we finally managed to drive her to our nearest hospital. They took one look and led her straight through, past the triage and the waiting area.

Because of Covid 19, we were not allowed to enter the hospital, which was upsetting for all of us, and had to sit in the car park while they did their initial checks.

Two hours later, a nurse, complete with mask and gloves came over to us and delivered the worst news. Anita had fluid in her lungs and was having a serious heart attack. She was being given pain relief and oxygen, and a series of tests were being done. We were told to go home, as she would be staying overnight while they tried to stabilise the situation.

An angiogram was mentioned, something I knew all about, for I had one when I had my own heart attack. This usually indicates the need for a stent, a tiny device to keep the offending artery open, and mine is still doing its job, some six years later.

Driving home without her was terrible, but we know she is in the best possible place.

Today, we wait to hear good news and the house feels so empty…