I didn’t want to write yet another post about my problems, as you are probably as tired of reading about them as I am tired of writing them.
But…
These problems are getting in the way of everything, and I can’t seem to work my way around them.
Rather than face either of my accident sites, I have been avoiding thinking about them, or even looking at them. Put them out of my mind. Shut the door to all that fear, try not to feel guilty that I am unable to do anything these days..
I mean, I can live with never going out of my front door again. Those steps leading down to the path are a grim reminder of accident number one. A time that traumatised several family members who witnessed my fall and tried to help me.
This was the day I came out of the hospital. I made it all the way up to the top step before my legs gave way and I collapsed in a painful heap.
So, no, I would be happy not to try that again, whatever the reason. Although, hospital appointments are coming through, so never say never.
The kitchen step is another matter, the site of accident number two.
If I could master this step, I could fetch my drinking water, wash my hands when I want (or anything else for that matter) and feed myself.
Mastering this small step would give me access to the yard and my beloved bonsai. You would think that this alone would get me to risk trying it, but the memory of that dreadful fall is still vivid in my mind. (my right knee is still damaged and deformed by that fall, and may never be strong enough again.)
Apart from these darn steps, I am hobbling about, walking from the office to the living room. I am also practising on the bottom steps of the main staircase, which doesn’t really count as I use the handrails to pull myself up. However, I am hoping this exercise will help in the long run.
Next time I write a post, I hope it will be with some good news for a change…
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