Locked In

My life has only just begun

Yet I am stuck between two worlds.

I have a need to forget, to alter my thoughts

This ordinary cafe where the waiters sing

Let me in, with no way out

Mother told me never to hit

“Talk, let them see you.”

She has no idea, the mood

Of those that hold me here.

I smell revenge, the air thick

With a need to spill blood, my blood

My will is weak. I have no strength to act

I need a weapon to fight for freedom

This is not my world

Whitewashed walls, pills to make me sleep

Sunlight blinds these walls of white

But my mind can see the place to be.

Outside, I see my mothers smile

She sits in shade beneath our tree

That father planted when I was five.

My world is there, by her side.

Voices tell me she is not there

I took her life when I was ten.

Can this be a dream that keeps me locked in?

I pray that fate will not charge me to live it over again…

©Anita Dawes