I decided it might be fun to make up one good lie a day about my past.
So the next time someone asked me about my parents, I said they had died in a car crash when I was five. When, in fact, they are alive and kicking and on holiday in Gibraltar.
Instant sad face.
‘Oh God, I’m so sorry….’
‘No need; it was a long time ago.’
That one lie led to many more.
‘So, who brought you up?’
‘An aunt. Ancient, I might add, so life was a little stale compared to my friends. Old fashioned, I ran away when I was sixteen. I’m only back for the funeral and the reading of the will. That old mansion of hers is mine. You must come to tea sometime.’
As I walked home, not to a mansion, I might add, I wondered how I could stop this rolling stone from gathering more moss…
Today’s lie has taken on a life of its own.
One minute I hear myself telling someone, ‘my father is an airline pilot.’ Next, ‘he’s a backing singer for the Rolling Stones. My mother is starring in a movie with David Tennant,’ when my mother works in M & S, my father drives a black cab.
Are they more lies?
‘I have been married for three years. It’s our anniversary tonight. Mark, my husband, has bought a new car for me. One I have dreamt about. Imported from the USA, a red mustang convertible.’ So I must rush home, ladies. I want to be there when it arrives.’
I heard a little voice in my head say, one of these days, you’ll trip over that tongue of yours.
I had to admit, the lies did explode that day, like a bomb going off, but somehow, I managed to keep up with it and sound convincing. At least I could see no trace of doubt on their faces.
All that, and I had forgotten to tell them where Mark had taken me when he proposed. Never mind, there’s always tomorrow.
I’m not married and never have been.
One day, Mark or someone like him might come into my life. I could find myself driving down the high street in a red convertible mustang, don’t you think?
I have one of those faces people like to talk to. I sit in a café, and before my coffee is half drunk, someone sits opposite me. I send them home with a story to tell their friends. That way, my lies go further than my reach.
I have joined two book clubs, as I need to check which lies belong to which club. I know I can’t keep this up for too long; however, you’d be surprised by how many people I manage to speak to. Some, in the strangest of places.
Ladies’ toilets, for instance. Standing in a queue, I have found bumping into someone’s trolley in a supermarket to be good for a quick chat. Especially if you manage to make eye contact.
Apologies spoken, you pass each other in the next aisle as if fate has thrown you together you end up at the same checkout. I have even been lucky enough to snag a date on one of my shopping trips…
And there is always tomorrow…