Definitive Proof

This, That, and The Other

B9675BB6-2C0E-4FBF-803C-9357E9996021I’m now convinced more than ever that God does not exist. How do I know? Well, yesterday I bought five Mega Millions “quick pick” tickets, as I explained in THIS post. Since it was Christmas Day, I asked God to show me a sign that he/she/it exists. And what better sign of God’s existence could there be than God’s blessing me, an atheist, with the winning Mega Millions ticket. I even committed to God that I would abandon my long-held skepticism and start believing in him/her/it should I win.

Well, I now present you all with definitive proof that God does not exist. Not only did I not win the 321 million dollar jackpot, I didn’t win a goddam thing, not even two dollars. And if God did exist, wouldn’t this have been a golden opportunity to have made his/hers/its presence known? Of course it would have been.

But don’t…

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