Thoughts on a Tortoise’s Alimentary Canal

Stevie Turner


Where the snow falls and the skiers ski

That’s where you’ll find my son.

He’s left us a little present behind,

A tortoise; name of Sheldon.

Sheldon eats salad and fruit,

He loves broccoli, tomato and greens,

However, my son advised

He also likes baked beans.

I stuff Sheldon full of lettuce and cress

As you would normally do,

But Sheldon has a problem…

He doesn’t seem to pooh.

Every day the straw stays dry and clean

I talk to my son on Skype

About how nothing is coming

Out of Sheldon’s exhaust pipe.

“He doesn’t go every day”,

Is the advice I am told.

But four days have passed

Since anything came out of Sheldon’s arse.

I eat some beans on toast

And give Sheldon the dregs of the tin.

Within a few hours their wizardry

Puts us out of our misery.


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