They hurt. They are almost inevitably part of the spectrum of bullying and abuse. We choose them, unconsciously, because love is inextricably linked to being made to wait, being cast aside and slavishly trying to please the other whilst accepting minimal attention ourselves.
I will out myself on this subject because I have a long history of attracting, and being attracted to, people who only want me when there is something in it for them. To put it another way (and none of this reflects particularly well on me either), I am the kind of person who, through insecurity and willingness to please, is more than capable of going the extra mile for those who, expecting nothing else from their serfs, only contact me when they want something.
I attract selfishness. I attract the domineering. I attract the dysfunctional. I attract the power-mad. I attract, in a word, abuse.
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