Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

Swan Song: Why I thought I wrote it…

I heard this title somewhere, a long time ago, and it stuck in my mind. I was thinking it would be a good title for the new outing of my Detective David Snow.

So I went ahead and started the outline for Swan Song. I even made a working cover.

The expression Swan Song usually means someone’s last effort, or a final act before death, or retirement.

This could be Snow’s last opus, and I didn’t know this at the time, but it could be mine too.

There is an ancient Greek legend about a certain breed of swan that sings the most beautiful song as it dies.

I did wonder if there was any truth to this legend, for all of the swans I knew about were mute.

When I researched this, I discovered there is a swan that can sing. It’s called a Whooper swan.

The more I worked on this story, the more uneasy I felt. Was it right to possibly kill off my favourite character? And then my thoughts turned to me. I was still struggling to regain my strength and rejoin the human race, but should I be thinking that my end could be near?

The plot of this story, and my own, seemed to be merging. It is becoming harder to see where either of us is going.

So much has happened since I started this post, and I still don’t know what’s going on. 

When I realised that something serious was occurring, I began to panic. Should I be working on all those unfinished plans, all those ideas that were still in the pipeline? Just in case something happens to my future? 

I actually believed this idea for a while, and spent a lot of time frantically attacking my scribbled notes and research material. This was before Spring decided to turn up after all, and I went outside. Walking slowly, I visited my bonsai trees and some of the shrubs in the garden. I thought this would depress me, for so much had been neglected, but it didn’t. 

I found my missing joy in all those developing buds as everything began to wake up. 

But the best part was what happened when I came back inside. 

All that panic had gone, and I relaxed for the first time in months.

I do still have those sad moments, when I really see what could happen to me, but they are fleeting and not a problem. I look out of my office window and remember that Nature doesn’t give in or give up, and I feel stronger…