Runaway Train

Someone once said, “Stop the world, I want to get off…”

The other day that sounded like a very good idea.

I didn’t think I could ever be that defeatist. All I need, I think is a slightly slower train.

Have you ever wished that you could leap off the train that is rushing you towards oblivion?

I have… so many times.

Better to be moving, if only slowly, than stranded by the wayside, I thought.

But I was wrong.

I continued trying to keep up, watching life thunder past me, while kidding myself that if I stuck at it for long enough, I had to reach a few glory moments.

Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?

The only thing I learned, is that unless you change something, a detail here, a method there, nothing will change. Patience has almost been my downfall.

I kept telling myself that I would catch up, I would manage to squeeze more work in if I just kept going and hoped for the best.

 

Of course, nothing has changed. I spend my time checking emails, posting and checking social media. On the rare occasion I sit down and open my WIP, my brain refuses to work. Inspiration has deserted me and it was not a pleasant feeling.

Trying to write interesting posts has become almost impossible, so I started cheating.

Old posts were dug up and dusted off, but this didn’t help my mood. Depression nibbled at my heels.

 

This mood continued, slowly spreading into other areas of my life. I told myself it was okay if I didn’t keep up the maintenance of my beloved bonsai. They were closing down for the winter anyway and didn’t really need me.

Housework had been sliding, but I cheated there too. If I didn’t wear my glasses around the house, I couldn’t see the grime accumulating.

Then the nibbling on my heels turned into a gnawing and I knew I had been kidding myself for long enough.

It was time to stop hoping for the best.

Time to pull up my socks and get cracking.

Time to change my routine, find one that works and the time to do it in.

There are so many ideas in my head, so many things I have yet to do. I am not ready to slow down yet, so I must learn how to work on a speeding train.

I have a book to finish for a start…