The minute I opened my eyes this morning, I knew what had been bothering me for some time now. I had been wondering why everything seems so different these days. This year has been a nightmare for me, but I never once thought it might be me who ended up changing.
When this thought occurred to me, I was not best pleased, seeing how I was quite happy with my progress.
But it’s official. I have become an imposter. I look the same, but then again, maybe I don’t. You cannot radically change who you are and not look different, can you?
All this time, during my struggle to recover, I thought everything felt weird because of how suddenly it all happened. I don’t look in the mirror very often, so I cannot really comment on my appearance. I don’t feel the same, and I have noticed that I don’t see my world the same way either.
I feel like a stranger in my own house.
My brain is not mine. The way I think and feel about almost everything is alien and not me at all. I understood these feelings while I was still an invalid. Nobody likes feeling useless, do they? Even on a temporary basis.
Maybe it’s because there was a very real fear that I wouldn’t recover?
It took an age, and I am almost back to what passes as normal around here. I am still not as strong, but I am getting around like a trooper these days. Which is probably where all these thoughts and feelings come from. Why hasn’t the rest of me improved?
Where is my infamous work ethic, determination and all that inspiration?
I know that circumstances can change you, but my life has been full of similar struggles, and I don’t recall feeling like this before.
To be honest, most of the time I wouldn’t care if it snowed, and if you know me at all, you know how I always loved snow.
Hopefully, all of this is only temporary, like the paralysis, hallucinations and limited mobility…
Is this really me?
Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes 
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