Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

Things have been changing lately, forcing me to realise that I must accept that I can’t do everything anymore. Maybe I never could, and I have been fooling myself all these years.

I am so far behind now, there’s no chance I can catch up, so all those lovely dreams I have are slowly fading into the mist.

Some are lingering, like spoiled children, begging for one more sweet, one more go on the merry go round. Appealing to my stubborn nature, and I already know I will try. Not sure how or when, but some time.

I am trying to be sensible, looking for a plan I can manage, but try as I might, I cannot shake off the sadness that I know waits for me if I slow down, or God forbid, stop altogether!

 You see, I love everything I do, even the things I haven’t been getting around to lately. The thought of stopping any of them is pulling me down to somewhere I don’t want to be.

My sister doesn’t tell me how she feels, but I know she is suffering too. She is becoming very frail, and this is worrying. I feel so helpless as there isn’t much I can do for her.

I have spent a lot of time analysing my life, looking for solutions or ways to help, and I realised that my arthritis is the culprit. Arthritis is a beast, a depressing pain that affects every aspect of your life. it convinces you that it’s all over, bar the shouting. I have been on corticosteroids for the past few months, and in the beginning they helped a lot. The pain was less, and the depression took a walk, which was lovely.

But, there’s always a but, isn’t there?

Corticosteroids are not good for you in the long run, and my doctor has been very reluctant to give them to me. When I saw her last week, I asked for a slightly stronger pain killer as I had reached the end of my endurance. I was seriously considering playing with the traffic!

She was sympathetic, which made a nice change, and agreed to my request. Not sure I like the sound of the medication offered, but I am desperate! If they work, maybe I won’t have to slow down at all, which would be lovely…

Fingers crossed…