Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

Giving Up… or Giving In?

Giving Up… or Giving In?

I found myself reading the riot act the other day, because I suddenly realised I was on the verge of giving up. 

And not just for the afternoon, or a day. I have already been doing some of that, much to my shame.

A big part of me wanted to give everything up. To be honest, I have been struggling to cope for most of this year. Putting it down to almost anything I could think of, finding new and better excuses every day.

The truth of the matter, I am sorry to say, is that I have been struggling to maintain my normal work ethic. Whatever I used to rely on seems to have faded away, leaving me confused and angry. I have never voluntarily given up on anything before, and never thought I would see the day when I did.

Almost against my will, I have somehow become a mere shadow of who I once was, and no longer recognise myself. I didn’t expect to reach eighty and find that I have changed so much. My memory facility has gone, if I want to do anything, I have to write them down, for seconds after thinking of something, it vanishes into thin air.

The number of times I have to ask about something I have been told is becoming embarrassing, and I am driving myself insane for losing the thread in middle of doing anything.

Everything has changed and become so much more difficult this year. All those annoying tweaks that were amusing to begin with have become a nightmare. I am forced to learn new ways to do all those things I have been doing for years. There are a few things that I might have to drop altogether, simply because I can no longer do them.

While I continue to figure all of this out, and find a way around all of this stupidity, I will try to concentrate on the important things, like writing, reading and communication, just to ensure I can continue doing what I love…

So I am not going to give up, or give in. There must be a way to beat this thing, and I will find it…

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Responses

  1. Widdershins Avatar
    Widdershins

    Today I had a huge emotional meltdown. It happens regularly and I think it’s my body and mind’s way of coping with the amounts of pain/discomfort/almost complete lack of mobility, I’m in.
    One of the things that came to me as I was going through it was that there was no way out. No miracle cure, no magic drug, hell, even surgery (whenever it happens) isn’t a guranteed ‘cure’. This is me, my life, for the forseeable future.
    The thing is, it wasn’t such a terrible thing. I mean, it is a terrible thing, and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but Naming it, recognising it, on perhaps a different level than I had before, took away its power to hurt me.
    After I settled down and made myself a cuppa tea, (having a good howl like that is truly exhausting) I felt quite peaceful, and exhausted, and yet ready to pick up all the pieces again that allow/help me to find a way through the morass so I can do the things I want to do.
    Most of which require only a minimum of mobility from the waist down. (like trying to write this comment one handed, (holding a sleeping kitten) fending certain little black beasties off my keyboard, and being thoroughly entertained by their antics as they slowly wake up and begin their rampage throughout the room. :D
    So, a longwinded way to say that I understand your frustration and willingness to figure out what it takes to do what you want to do, be where you want to be. :) … big hugs, m’dear. :)

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    1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
      Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

      This was me last week, Widds… A good cry always puts me right, even though I hate it at the time. We are stronger than we know, I just wish the pain would take a holiday for both of us… XX 💖💖

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  2. CarolCooks2 Avatar
    CarolCooks2

    There is some good advice in the comments, Jaye what I have taken away is to accept we may have to slow down(says)she-smile I did like Steve’s idea of repeating backwards our day and see the benefit of doing that I might adopt that now while I can remember hoping that it stays that way for a little longer. I hope you can find a way forward which eases your angst Merry Christmas to you and your family x

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    1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
      Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

      All the support really helps, Carol. Making me more determined to beat this problem… 💖

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      1. CarolCooks2 Avatar
        CarolCooks2

        You got this, Jaye <3

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        1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
          Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

          I really hope so, Carol… XX

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  3. tidalscribe.com Avatar
    tidalscribe.com

    I’m sure it’s okay to relax sometimes, especially in winter. My aunt told me her grandmother decided one day to take to a wheelchair as she was ‘old’ and it was time to have a rest. She was probably in her sixties!

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    1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
      Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

      I will never admit to be old, but I will learn to compromise! 💖

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  4. Steve Tanham Avatar
    Steve Tanham

    A friend told me a useful way to counter this. He said at the end of each day (you decide the time, but keep it the same) try to go through the memory of the day, but backwards. Reviewing this in its totality gives you a sense of power and order 🧡

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    1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
      Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

      That sounds like hard work, Steve… At the moment, I have trouble remembering what I did ten minutes ago!

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      1. Steve Tanham Avatar
        Steve Tanham

        That’s the point, Jaye. It make your brain work in a way that is incrementally improved 😎

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        1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
          Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

          Okay, you have convinced me to give this a try, Steve… anything to keep the brain turning over! Happy Christmas!

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          1. Steve Tanham Avatar
            Steve Tanham

            Good. Effort – and sometimes extreme effort – is the only way to when you have a small success, add it to the triumph and go for another 🧡

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            1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
              Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

              Success breeds success… 💖

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  5. Teagan Riordain Geneviene Avatar
    Teagan Riordain Geneviene

    Not giving in is always a challenge. Big hugs.

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    1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
      Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

      Learning to compromise will be a challenge too, I think, Teagan… 💖

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  6. Goff James Avatar
    Goff James

    A time comes when one has to recognise that on can be trying to do too much. One has to listen to ones body: step back for a while: rest a while: recognise that it is impossible to do everything: unburden oneself: be present in enjoying and just accept what is possible in the now. Stay Safe. Stay Positive. Stay Smiling. Season’s Greetings My Friend.

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    1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
      Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

      I am not going to give in, Goff… but not quite sure what happens next. But I intend to keep smiling… 💖

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  7. Darlene Avatar
    Darlene

    I think we are often too hard on ourselves. We need to give ourselves some slack and cut back on some things as we get older. (I know easy for me to say!) Sending hugs!!

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    1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
      Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

      You are right, Darlene… and I am going to choose an easier path… 💖

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  8. Annette Rochelle Aben Avatar
    Annette Rochelle Aben

    <3

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    1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
      Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

      💖

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  9. V.M.Sang Avatar
    V.M.Sang

    You have the courage to do what you must, Jaye, but why not give yourself a break and step back for a while? It can’t be good to keep on pushing yourself.
    I am approaching 80, and there are things I can’t do that I used to do with ease. And I have to stop for a rest sometimes in the middle of doing something. I allow myself that.
    I understand your frustration, though. Getting old isn’t much fun.

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    1. Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes Avatar
      Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

      Thanks for your advice, Vivienne. Stopping is not an option, but I am determined to make my life easier… 💖

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