Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes

The year of the Tiger brings bravery, wisdom and strength, all of the attributes I need right now.

I love tigers, so maybe this year will be wonderful after all…

(This post has been a long time coming, and at times I didn’t think I would be writing it)

Worry is a terrible thing, it steals the quality of life from right under your nose, reducing your world into a place of doom and gloom. We have been sitting on a massive worry these past six months and have refused to start the new year until we had good news.

I desperately tried to keep everything normal, finish my WIP and keep the website going, but I have to admit it was a poor imitation of the real thing, and I apologise for that.

I have not been sharing much of this with our friends and followers and this may seem strange after all your incredible support when Anita had that massive heart attack in 2020. Your love and good wishes pulled us through that terrible time, but when disaster struck again last year, it seemed far more serious, and we really felt that talking about it might make it worse.

Anita’s heart is still severely damaged, and despite having two stents and a pacemaker fitted, it only barely functions. When a series of lumps started to appear around her neck last year, the alarm bells started ringing again.

Because of the raging virus and all the hospital delays, it took months to have the lumps investigated. The consultant mentioned cancer and after deliberation, they finally decided to remove part of her thyroid. Surgery was a problem as they didn’t think her heart was strong enough, but they said that delaying it was not an option.

This was a nightmare time for all the family, especially Anita, for she can’t abide hospitals at the best of times. She has never been seriously ill and to be struck down by two life-threatening illnesses almost at the same time seems very unfair. She made it through this surgery without incident, but we had to wait two agonising weeks to get the results of the tests.

By this time, we were all terrified and sick with worry, dreading the news.

On the day of the appointment, I felt sick to my stomach but somehow kept a smile on my face. I think I held my breath when she was called into the consultant’s office, but five minutes later the door opened and she rushed out of the room, a massive smile on her face. We watched in amazement as she ran out of the ENT department to a standing ovation from the nurses.

By this time, we knew the news must be good, but I wanted to know how good. Just before we all reached the lifts, I caught her arm and made her stop walking. ‘Well,’, I said and waited.

She stood there laughing at me as if she just won the lottery, and I didn’t think she was going to say anything.

Quietly, and for the first time with a serious face, she looked at me and said, ‘there is no cancer…’

All the way home in the car, she kept repeating those words and her relief was wonderful to see. Despite the odds, her poor old ticker had survived the surgery and she was cancer-free.

But four days later, we had to rush to the hospital as she was having trouble breathing again. She is now back home, but it seems that worrying isn’t going anywhere after all.

She is looking better, although still very weak and breathless much of the time. The list of her medications grows ever longer, but … and you may have noticed this, none of what happened has stopped her writing her poetry.

Now all I have to do is get my own head back together!