Jaye’s New Oddness…

Image by Merio from Pixabay

Somehow, I must have turned a certain age or a corner in my life. It must be something, for I seem to be changing.

As I get nearer to my seventy-eighth birthday, I have noticed oddness going on.

Odd is a very good word for what I am feeling.

Lately, you may have noticed that I have been bragging about all the writing I have been doing, but other good stuff has been going on too.

This time of year usually has a welcome effect on me, what with my bonsai collection changing from a row of twigs into beautiful trees overnight.

This year, after the steady inertia of Winter, everything has suddenly started to feel different.

It’s not just what I am doing though, it’s everything that’s going on in my head. (Which at my age is nothing short of remarkable)

Things that used to matter are soaring over my head without pausing to bash me on the head. I no longer want to bite anyone who tries to order me about or cast aspersions all over my plans and dreams.

Believe me, this last thing is having a profound effect on me.

I am like a different person. These past few days, the reason for these changes has been slipping unheeded into my subconscious, but within reach on those thoughtful days. (I hope you get days like that.)

I am deliberately not dwelling on what this might mean, regarding my mental health, as this doesn’t matter either.

You know how our muses can come and go? Well, all my guilty secrets seem to have gone the same way. I am calmer than I have ever been. I just wish I knew how it happened, so I can repeat it if necessary.

If I forget something, or make mistakes (the best one of all) I know it doesn’t really matter as I will get it right tomorrow…

Jaye

16 thoughts on “Jaye’s New Oddness…

  1. VERY encouraging, because I worry that I (I’m 72) will be such a handful for caretakers that I get neglected – and I keep trying to be a better person so that when I settle into old age, I will be a sweeter, kinder version of myself.

    We now live in a retirement community with mostly residents older than ourselves, and our community loses about 35 people a year, people who are now increasingly likely to be friends. After almost four years, that adds up to almost 140 people. We have plenty of opportunities for observing how other people are aging and leaving us, and how their spouses, families, and friends here are handling it – and find that people seem to settle into a version of themselves, many of which I don’t want to be like. One became even more outspoken and aggressive, another more depressed, and there are plenty of the ones who are losing their minds and becoming extremely vague.

    It’s probably good for me to reflect on – and see if I can make myself pleasant(er) to care for instead of the rougher version of myself (after 32 years of chronic illness and pain, I’m a lot grumpy).

    I’d like to not be a problem – but not be a patsy.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I hear you, Alicia… you have seen right through my brave thoughts! Like you, I have all the reasons in the world to be a miserable old woman, but have decided not to be. I spent my life as a pretender, but now its as someone I like better… Hopefully, it will help in the days to come!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Something to look forward to. I noticed in my mother that she no longer sweat the small stuff anymore as she reached her 80th year. She lived her last 12 years virtually stress-free. (and she had been a very anxious person all her life) Enjoy the spring!

    Liked by 1 person

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