July’s Blog Battle Contest

Stevie Turner

Here’s my entry for July’s Blog Battle contest.  I said to one of my blogging friends a while ago that I could write a whole story in  Cockney rhyming slang –  and so here it is!


WALTER’S HOSPITAL STAY

I’ve been laid up with me chalfonts and I’ve had a lovely kip, but the jollop’s wearing off now I’m stable.  I tried not to ‘ave a tin barf when the doc came round and had a butcher’s up there.  Gawd – didn’t he want to be a train driver when he was a saucepan lid?

It’s like a pox doctor’s waiting room in here; everyone’s got a long face.  I try and talk to the bubble in the bed opposite, but it’s like flogging a dead ‘orse.  He hasn’t got many hampsteads, but he has huge plates of meat – must be size 12 or more.  I think he’s wearing…

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