I have tried to write this post several times, but such are my emotions for the past twelve months, I have not been able to find the necessary enthusiasm or inspiration to make me pick up my pen. Even then, I didn’t realise that this had been happening far too often this year.
I don’t have a list of disasters or calamities to show for the way I feel. There has been nothing I can put my finger on and say, ‘There, that’s what it was…’ so why does it feel as though there should be?
I have to admit that progress was made in 2017 and we have the statistics to prove it. Our mailing list is growing and we have more lovely followers and visitors to our website too. Nothing earth-shattering or momentous has befallen us, but nothing gut-wrenchingly awful either.
Trying to describe why it felt like a bad year just wasn’t happening, so I turned my attention elsewhere.
The weather had decided to be kind, so I went outside for a breath of fresh air. Most of my bonsai looked bare and forlorn, silently dreaming of warmer days, but there is usually one to cheer me up at this time of year. I have written about the Azalea before, that it has been my little miracle. (here) How I rescued the bedraggled plant many years ago and tried to save its life. I have never managed to get it to thrive, but it faithfully produces these beautiful white flowers every year at Christmas time. A double miracle really, for they are not supposed to bloom then.
I could see something was wrong, long before I got close enough. Where were all the flowers? There were just two, with none of the usual splendour. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement.
Had I treated it well enough? Had it been attacked by beetles or some other pest? I tried not to think that it might be dying, finally giving up the struggle. On closer inspection, I saw that there were many new leaves beginning to grow, renewing my hope for the coming year.
The feeling I had at that moment, mirrored the way I felt about 2017, and I realised why it felt that way. We too struggle all year to achieve this and that, and all those small disappointments pile up without our noticing until the heap threatens to drown us.
We need to do something about this state of affairs before the New Year begins, so we can go forward with optimism.
I just hope the answers turn up a darn sight quicker than this post!