I started the week full of good intentions. It was a new week – new mood – new energy.
There was none of that – ‘It’s a beautiful day, watch someone ruin it.’
But someone did.
BT did. Someone had tried to hack into my e-mail account over the weekend and I had promptly been frozen out! To make matters worse, I had temporarily forgotten the answer to my security question, so couldn’t change the blessed password either.
Thoroughly frustrated, I finally managed to speak to someone in an Indian call centre who said she would e-mail me a new password. Words cannot sufficiently explain what happened to my temper after trying several times to get her to see why this would not work, and I was passed on to someone else. This young woman was so helpful and immediately understood my problem, that my temper had no choice but to high-tail it out of the back door!
So, not a good start, you might say. But this was only Monday, surely the week could only get better?
I should be thinking about what I want to do next. Anita has a book almost ready for proofing, and I have begun a new crime mystery, but something doesn’t feel right. I ought to be re-editing some of our earlier work, as some of the covers need replacing and the descriptions are just not good enough. The trouble is, I’m a bit short of enthusiasm at the moment, my ‘get up and go’ has done a runner!
What I cannot understand is why some days are good and optimistic, and then you get that other kind. The ‘what the hell do you think you are doing’ days. Closely followed by (give it up, you know you are too old to bother with it) ones.
I am basing my understanding of this writing business on what I have observed with Anita. She has so many good books to her credit and just seems to get on with it (and enjoys the process!) She does have bad days of course, but they never seem to be writing related.
I know we are all different, and that is how it should be, it’s just not very helpful.
I think it is my age that seems to be the problem. I forget far more than I remember and find myself wondering where all the time has gone and know that I have wasted most of it. Why didn’t I want to do this when my brain was younger?
Don’t get me wrong, on a good day I quite like my brain and how it works. It’s just that my good days are getting pretty thin on the ground these days. Today, for example, I’m not even sure I have a brain!
I have never once thought that blogging could be detrimental to your health, but just lately I have come to realise that it can be.
Surely not, I hear you say, and I will admit it doesn’t seem likely, not on the surface, anyway.
I was nervous when I first started blogging. Could I get to grips with the technology involved? Would I be any good at it? Would anyone ever talk to me?
I had a million questions, which is all very natural when you embark on a new adventure. And although at times it has been a frustrating and difficult journey, overall I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
So what on earth am I on about?
Just lately, a strange feeling has been creeping in, insidiously, like wisps of smoke. The blogosphere is like a mirror, reflecting everything you and other bloggers do. And as a good proportion of bloggers are writers, you get to see what their lives and careers are like.
It can be very reassuring if they are struggling just like you, facing the same problems and difficulties, but the successful ones are an inspiration, showing you what you can accomplish if you work hard.
We have been blogging for nearly four years now, and have met some amazing people. Helpful, considerate people, generous with their advice and friendship. You become part of their world, a world where anything is possible and you can afford the luxury of dreaming.
I can hear some of you tapping your fingernails, wondering where all of this is going, so I will try to explain.
Everyone says that with patience and hard work you can achieve your goals. But I have been patient and worked as hard as I can, but no nearer anything even remotely like my goals.
Something has to be wrong for my enthusiasm is dying. Optimism and faith seem to have left the building.
I have been thinking about 2018, and it is clear that I must come up with some resolutions that work before the men in white coats come to take me away!